Help – I Really Am A Golf Widow!
QWhen my husband retired, I thought we’d spend time together. Instead, he’s always at the golf course or in the clubhouse. I encouraged him to join the committee, thinking it would give him an interest, but it’s taken over his life. All he talks about are fundraising events. He spends lots of time with the bar manager too – a very attractive woman in her 50s. I can’t help but feel left out. How can I make him see he’s married to me, not the golf club?
AOh dear – and you encouraged him to develop his interest in golf in the first place, but I bet it was because he was at a crossroads and needed a new interest. All is not lost!
However, it’s great that he has a new lease of life as this will keep him active for a long time. It’s good to reflect on the positives of having an active hobby as well as a new and varied social life.
What’s not so good is your being left out and his friendship with the bar
manager. I suspect you also have your own hobbies or interests that are separate from your husband’s? If not, get some! This is healthy when they’re balanced out between the two of you and gives you a wider range of things to talk about. But it does seem that this balance has gone one sided.
You do need to talk to him about how you feel and explain that the balance is wrong at present. Suggest spending some time doing something you can both enjoy – a holiday, time with family, renovations to the house or garden, wine tasting, theatre trips… anything that means you are both involved.
He might even be flattered that you’re jealous? A first stop plan might be to befriend the bar lady and make it clear that you are a formidable couple with things to do together.
Do you also have your own interests separate from your husband’s? If not, get some!