Ask Helen
Helen Lederer Celebrity agony aunt gives you her heartfelt advice every week
His manners will be different from what you taught your son, but may not be wrong
QI’m writing because I’m in despair at some of the behaviour from my grandson that my son and daughter-inlaw don’t seem the least bit bothered about. Is it just me or is sticking your fingers in a cake that everyone is going to share unacceptable? He’s not a toddler – he’s six years old! They’ve never said “no” to him and he thinks he can get away with anything. He’s a lovely little lad, but he’s so badly behaved, I worry for him.
As you say, six years old is an age where behaviour and reason can be taught. But at the same time children need to explore their environment and learn from experience through experimenting and curiosity. This can sometimes mean going down the wrong path before finding the right one. Also, it must be said that cake does taste nice! Teaching and learning, however, go together.
The other issue in your letter reveals a lot about your opinion of the upbringing pattern that your son and daughter-in-law are pursuing in raising him.
All of us believe that our way is the only “right” way in all that we do and this is guaranteed to not sit well with our children.
It seems they have chosen to bring up your grandson without rules, or at least different ones from what you are used to. His table manners will be different from the way your son was brought up, but may not be wrong – just different. Rest assured schooling and peer group pressures will modify his behaviour and probably be far more lasting than any disapproving looks from his astonished granny!
My advice is to keep in touch with them but not to judge.