Dr Sarah Jarvis
My Weekly’s favourite GP from TV and radio writes for you
How do you help a loved one who seems to be in denial? Perhaps the most emotional day of my 25-year career as a medical broadcaster came on the day of Radio 2’s 50th anniversary in September 2017. The Jeremy Vine show asked me to do a health special on their 50th anniversary on “Radio 2 saved my life”. A listener who’d been diagnosed early with bowel cancer after hearing my advice had got in touch. Sadly, they told me, he and his wife couldn’t join us as they were on holiday, but did I have any other tales?
Over the next few days, I received several slightly odd phone calls asking when I’d arrive for the show, if I would mind being filmed for the 50th anniversary, and so on. Looking back, I should have smelled a rat – but when Jeremy Vine asked me on air what I would say to this couple if they could hear me, I was still blissfully unaware that three generations of our listener’s family were hiding outside the studio, waiting to come in and surprise me. It’s moments like that which make all the early mornings and hard work worthwhile. But not every listener takes note of what they hear, see or read, or of what their body is telling them. All doctors see patients who don’t want, or are too scared, to admit they’re ill. Alcohol problems are a classic case. Alcohol is highly addictive, and people with serious problems will know all about the cravings that go with withdrawal. They might even have tried to stop by themselves, and
EVEN IF YOUR GP CAN’T GIVE OUT INFORMATION ABOUT YOUR LOVED ONE WITHOUT THEIR CONSENT, THEY CAN STILL GIVE GENERAL GUIDANCE
REMEMBER THAT YOUR LOVED ONE MAY BE HAVING THE SAME CONCERNS AS YOU, BUT MIGHT NOT WANT TO BURDEN YOU
failed. They need your help.
The idea of dementia is terrifying, too. People worry about losing independence or becoming a burden on their families. But dementia can also affect your ability to think logically, and someone with early dementia may not recognise the importance of getting help early.
As a loved one, the last thing you should do is sit back. They need your support, but they also need a gentle push from you to take the first step. You might find they’ve been having exactly the same thoughts, and it’s a relief to share their concerns. u Do your own research, so you know about all the treatments and help available for the condition you think they might have u Find a quiet time, with no distractions, and remind them how much you care about them u Let them know you’re always there to support them and that you only want what’s best for them u Ask them if they have any health concerns, and see if they open up u Bring up the subject of the condition you’re worried about, and ask what they know about it u Explain your concerns calmly, and ask if they’ve had any similar worries u Offer to go with them to the doctor u If they refuse to discuss it, enlist the help of other family members, but be very aware that they may get defensive if they feel you’re ganging up on them! Doctors take confidentiality seriously, and can’t break a patient’s confidence even if they want to wanted to, as long as they’re mentally competent. But if your loved one refuses to seek help despite your efforts, share your concerns with their doctor. They can’t share information without consent, but they can be on the alert next time they see them, and steer the subject round. Next Week: Buying Medicine Online