Second Time Lucky

With the benefit of experience, finding love again can be magical

According to research, second marriages are more likely to succeed than first marriages, with 69% of second marriages standing the test of time while only 55% of first marriages avoid the divorce courts.

“Second marriages are generally more successful than first marriages because, quite simply, couples getting married for a second time are invariably older than those marrying for the first time,” explains Harry Benson of the Marriage Foundation, who carried out the research comparing the success of first and second marriages.

Apparently, being older means you’re wiser, at least in affairs of the heart. “Couples in a second marriage have usually learnt from their previous relationships,” reveals Relate Counsellor Gurpreet Singh. “They know why their previous relationship didn’t work and they’re prepared to do things differently to ensure this one does work.

“How people develop determines the success of a marriage,” continues Gurpreet. “If both people in a marriage develop together in similar directions, then the relationship should stay together but if they grow apart, they might feel differently about each other and about their expectations about their lives and their relationship.”

Harry stresses that there’s another important factor influencing the success of second marriages – money. “Older couples tend to have more disposable income than younger couples,” he says. “Having more money definitely makes life – and relationships – easier. It gives you more choices, you don’t have to keep your nose to the grindstone all the time and you can afford to treat each other, now and then which helps to keep the magic alive.

“And any children involved in the marriage will usually be older,” he adds. “I know from having six children myself that it’s hard work holding a marriage together when children are young.”

However, Harry admits that another reason second marriages last longer than first marriages is because men are often better at marriage second time around. “There’s much less social and family pressure on couples to get married nowadays, which tends to mean that a man will make a conscious decision to get married for a second time, rather than drifting into it.

“As a result, he’ll be more committed to the marriage and will be more likely to take responsibility for the relationship – and to ensure

his wife is his number one priority.”

But no romance goes smoothly all the time and couples involved in second marriages often have to deal with the challenges provided by stepchildren. “Parents and children see life very differently,” continues Harry. “In particular, children will have a different view of the break-up of their parents’ marriage and it’s very important that all the adults involved recognise this.”

Issues around inheritance can also cause problems in a second marriage. “If there are children from a previous marriage on either or both sides, it’s very important for couples to discuss inheritance as soon as possible,” advises Gurpreet. “And you have to make sure you leave a will so your family know what you want. Otherwise, you may leave behind a legacy that breaks your family apart.” WWW.MARRIAGE FOUNDATION.ORG.UK / WWW.RELATE.ORG.UK