Is Her Eating Disorder My Fault?
My 40-year-old daughter has just been diagnosed with bulimia. Her GP has been very helpful and she’s been referred to a therapist but I don’t think this is a new problem. Even when she was in her teens, her father used to say that she never ate. To be honest, he used to complain that he was the only person in the household who had a normal relationship with food. I have always been a dieter and I’m now struggling with guilt. Did I cause her eating disorder? How can I help her through this?
We are all bombarded daily by the media about body shape and size, from stick-thin models to the “1 in 3 are obese” warnings. It’s unsurprising that eating disorders are being diagnosed more and more. They are not new; it is about greater awareness.
Fad diets have been out there for some time; many women have engaged in one. Problems occur if this moves away from a few weeks controlling one’s food (before a holiday, let’s say) to something more serious.
Teenagers are notoriously selfcentred and extreme, often leading to confusion about their bodies and normality. If a young person is not the thinnest in the class, they may feel “huge” and stop eating. If called names, they may overreact. I am saying your dieting is not as relevant as you fear. What your daughter did is about her.
There’s evidence that eating disorders are about control. This scenario can go wrong. Medical care in that situation is essential. The earlier a diagnosis, the greater the chances of a successful outcome. If your daughter’s behaviour is being treated, this is very positive.
So you did not cause her disorder, and you can help now by discussing her treatment and going through every step with her. Get your husband on board; there is no shame here. Good luck.
You can help now by discussing her treatment and going through it with her