IT’S CHRIS TO THE RESCUE!
Our intrepid cat-sitter is never afraid to go that extra mile to help his feline friends
Irealised the other day that the vast majority of my friends are cats. Whilst this doesn’t say much for my social skills, it does mean that when I see an old friend in the street, it’s statistically likely to be one with pointy ears. This habit of bumping into cats in the street is a phenomenon that’s become more and more frequent of late. I suppose, the more cats I have on my books, the more likely I am to meet one.
I was, for instance, driving through a local town the other day when I spotted a ginger cat standing on the pavement. I squinted for a second before suddenly pulling to a halt and proclaiming loudly to my wife Lorraine, “I thought so! That’s Bob Jones over there. I haven’t seen him for months.” Lorraine stared at a pavement totally devoid of human life and, after a pause, finally reasoned that I wasn’t hallucinating and must be referring to the small cat now staring wide-eyed at the car in that way cats have of making you feel your general appearance must be deeply shocking.
“Are you talking about the cat?”
“Yes, that’s Bob Jones! Jackie Jones’s cat, great to see him up and about; he hasn’t been well!”
With that I was out of the door and heading for Bob, who with catlike predictability made me look a complete idiot by legging it through a hedge. I turned to look at Lorraine, who was now holding her head in her hands.
But Bob wasn’t the first cat I’d seen in unfamiliar surroundings. I was visiting a lovely tortie named Mojo the other day, when I was a little surprised to see her sitting on the sofa cuddled up to a tabby named Benny. The main reason for my surprise being that Benny doesn’t live with Mojo…or even in the same village, but rather a mile away and the other side of a wood. This was quite a revelation – the demure tortie and cavalier tabby, both of whom I’ve been visiting separately for over five years, unexpectedly know one other and are clearly friends.
Recognising cats can also have its heart-stopping moments. Driving locally one day, I saw a Siamese cat appear from a clump of trees and walk straight into the road and sit down.
I immediately recognised the cat to be one of my clients, Tom Arnold. With Tom sitting in the road and cars approaching at high speed, I knew I had to act quickly – against my better judgement I swung my car sideways across the road and put my hazards on.
Cars from both directions screeched to a halt with a great wailing of horns. As I picked up a bewildered Tom, I could just feel the love emanating from those cars.
The great thing is though, despite my valiant efforts I didn’t actually manage to kill myself or any other roaduser, and Mrs Arnold gave me a bourbon biscuit for my trouble. I usually only get Dreamies.