My Mum Won't Accept Any Help
My mum is 87 and has lived on her own since my dad died. She manages really well, but her eyesight is not what it was and she does not see things that need to be cleaned. I try to do things to help when I’m there, but she gets irritated and tells me to just sit down and visit with her, not clean up all the time. I would love to get her a cleaner to come in every week, but when I suggested it, she wouldn’t hear of it. What can I do?
This is a not uncommon problem. As we get older, the opportunity of having a conversation may often feel of more value than having one about cleaning! Also, it may be difficult for your mother to acknowledge that her eyesight is failing and even harder to ask for help.
Firstly, there is her eyesight. Is this due to cataracts I wonder? They can be treated under local anaesthetic with an artificial lens implant – instant improved vision. It would be useful to get some medical advice in this area if appropriate.
I suspect that you already help with changing her bed. Why not gently introduce the idea of bringing a friend with you for a few visits who can help with the cleaning while the two of you chat? This will introduce someone new in a non-threatening way. If your mother accepts this, then suggest a weekly visit to help with the domestic side of things. Older people do not accept change easily, so it is up to you to introduce change slowly, to make it a bonus for her and move you both forwards into a new “normal”. It’s wonder ful that she has been able to cope thus far on her own, but it sounds as if it’s now time to introduce help. She is lucky to have such a caring daughter.