CAT IN THE DOGHOUSE!
Being a prison guard for a mugger moggy is a dangerous occupation
Regular readers will know that, every now and then, violence erupts in our house and escalates into open warfare. Happily the violence isn’t usually between humans (though my wife Lorraine can be a bit feisty).
I’ll get to the point; Bodmin, our huge bruiser of an ex-stray tomcat, is currently grounded for attacking dogs.
He came in with a dog collar in his mouth a few days ago, prompting the dog’s owner, from about 10 doors down, to leaflet the street saying Beware,averybigcat hasbeenjumpingonlocal dogsintheirgardens.There havebeenthreeincidents we’reawareof.
Not good – and the fact Bodmin came home with a collar would suggest he’s not only jumping on dogs, but robbing them too.
So until we can break his penchant for muggings (or muttings?), he’s staying indoors. Chances are he’ll eventually stop – he’s declared war before, always eventually losing interest and moving on to different criminal activities.
His last grounding involved squirrels. Once Bodmin decides he has issues with something, it’s like World War 3 out there. As squirrels all look so alike, I believe that even though there were about a dozen involved, Bodmin managed to convince himself he was constantly battling the one omnipresent squirrel.
Interestingly, he’s never bothered a squirrel since, probably seeing them in his sleep by the time we enforced a peace treaty.
Obviously dogs are far from identical, so it must be that he’s suddenly started resenting an entire species. Given that the collar we returned with heartfelt apologies was to a Labrador (a Labrador with a scratch on his nose), Bodmin doesn’t seem to worry about the size of the dog either.
This latest grounding has its drawbacks; Bodmin has become very restless. He tends to become a bit “playful” when bored. For instance, just yesterday I beckoned our tortie cat Jojo to come and sit with me in the time-honoured fashion, tapping my hand repeatedly on my lap. I didn’t see Bodmin on the wall unit behind me. To Bodmin, a bouncing hand is fair game, no different to a cat teaser stick, and so just as Jojo was about to jump, Bodmin dropped 3 feet through the air and beat her to it.
Eight kilos of muscular cat landed in a particularly sensitive place, followed by a tortie who accidentally jumped on his back. Jojo shrieked in shock, but I have to say my own shout was higher pitched. Through watery eyes, I realised I’d now become a battlefield and my left hand was heavily involved, being held in a playful Bodmin deathgrip while Jojo clawed his ears.
As quickly as it started, it was over, with both cats hurtling into the kitchen. Lorraine, alerted by the commotion, rushed into the room to find me curled in a ball, apparently in tears. With a shake of her head, she went back about her business – satisfied that my situation was the same as normal.
Eight kilos of muscular cat landed in a sensitive place