Ask Helen
Helen Lederer Celebrity agony aunt gives you her heartfelt advice every week
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My husband of 50 years suddenly announced two months ago that he was leaving me for another woman. She’s the same age as me and lives in our village. It’s such a shock as I had no idea he was having an affair. I’m still in our house as he has left, but he’s saying we’ll have to sell. No-one can believe he has done this, and my children won’t even speak to him. I just feel broken.
That is a huge shock. Having been married for 50 years tells me this is not just a change-of-life crisis for him, as he must be in his 70s. You must focus on managing the shock, though it must be devastating for you, your children and, in a different way, for the village.
I’m sure your children are doing their best to support you but do try to get them to speak to their father to help you all understand. He owes it to you to explain, but be prepared, this may not happen.
You might feel inclined to speak to the new woman, but give yourself time. There is no compulsion for you to “react” at this early stage; the situation may change, but also you need to give yourself the best conditions to get over the shock.
A counsellor may well provide the objective support you need. You can work through emotions and hopefully empower yourself. Be practical; selling the house at this stage is not a real option. Seek legal advice to be reassured of your rights and be protected. Citizens Advice is one route. I’m sure your friends and neighbours will help too.
You are learning valuable truths which will give you insight to make decisions about what YOU want. Reflect on what you have: friends, family and choices.