Chris Pascoe’s Fun Tales
Brains, computers… what’s the difference between them in the end?
Iwas thinking the other day – with my brain, coincidentally – about how much the human brain resembles a computer. Let’s start from the beginning. Our brain has very basic functions up until the moment of birth (our start-up routine) that enables it to be switched on and immediately start downloading software. And wow, do baby’s brains download – they can even learn multiple languages at the same time (in my case those languages happened to be a strange form of lazy English mixed with a smattering of Gibberish, but it’s possible apparently).
All very computer-like then, and this trait continues into childhood, with toddlers’ brains possessing far quicker learning capacities than their adult counterparts, which – in computer terms – are by then clogged up with cookies.
Each day, as bugs and glitches start to occur (brain getting tired) it becomes necessary to, in the best traditions of computer maintenance, “switch it off and on again”… so we go to sleep. A few hours later, back on it comes, fully re-booted and in my case, eager to download some more of those cookies.
Eventually, as the brain progresses through its teens and into its twenties, it may start downloading “viruses” that cause brief malfunctions. Just like their computer counterparts – Trojans, Worms etc – these viruses have famous names, such as Stella, Tennent’s and Bells. Sometimes these viruses necessitate a full system clean-out, usually performed face-first over a toilet, but generally a good night’s re-boot does the trick.
When computers get old, of course, they can start developing a few problems in the memory department, and often get themselves into some fairly strange subroutines which make no sense to anybody but themselves. No similarity to humans there, then…
When memory issues occur, it becomes a good idea to download all vital information to a mini version of itself, or a data-stick. Stand by Maya Data Stick.
But we should never forget (or at least our MemoryMayas should never forget) that it was the human brain which invented, or gave birth, to computers in the first place… so the mother of all computers. So in that sense, the brain must be superior, mustn’t it? But then, think about it; exactly what just told me that brains are superior? Hmm.
Just to finish off here, and sticking with the IT theme… while booking a break to the Isle of Wight recently, I was told that the Isle of Wight is the largest of Britain’s many islands. Quite interested by this, I asked our old AI friend Alexa exactly how many islands Britain has. Her answer stunned me – apparently there are over 6,000 (where are they all?) I then asked how many of these were actually inhabited. Alexa obviously misunderstood my question slightly, because she replied, and I quote, “There are over 17,000 human settlements in the British Isles”.
What worries me is… what settlements other than “human” settlements do we have here? Gulp…