ASK HELEN
Celebrity agony aunt Helen Lederer gives you her heartfelt advice every week
Retired Husband Turned Into Scrooge!
My husband has recently retired and we both have pensions – although mine is smaller as I didn’t work when I was raising our children. We’re not struggling to make ends meet, but you’d think we were the way my husband is behaving. He quizzes me on the shopping bills and makes me feel like I’m throwing money away. I’m fed up to the back teeth with having to justify every single thing I buy!
Retiring is a time of great change, there may be less money than during the salaried years, and you are no longer at work. This can mean big adjustments and even reactive depression in some cases, as some of us no longer feel needed.
It is against this background that tiny niggles can creep in and grow unless you are self-aware. I’m sure your husband’s penny pinching is part of a bigger picture.
Try to get him to talk about it all. Start with the money – list income and regular
outgoings and see where you stand. This will offer a clarity and relief to you both once you’ve sat down and done it.
But do talk about other things too, such as holidays, moving to a new house perhaps, your children… how to make retirement a great experience. If you can both share a positive view of the future, you may be able to reduce money fears.
Values change when you are no longer tied to the routine of work. You need to begin this new lifestyle with hope, and new experiences don’t have to come with a huge bill attached. A discussion about priorities may free you up and help you face a new kind of future together with a sense of perspective and of gratitude for what you have.
Retirement is a great opportunity for a new kind of life, fulfilling and exciting, so don’t get submerged in small things.
If you can share a positive view of the future, you may be able to reduce money fears