My Son Is The Cuckoo In Our Nest
My husband and I are barely speaking because our eldest son has moved back in with us again. His accommodation was tied to his job and now that he has quit, he is homeless. He has found another job and I was quite happy to have him back, but my husband is furious that “he is not standing on his own two feet at his age”! With all this aggravation I feel like leaving home myself!
You do highlight a change in our society. The costs of buying or renting property have risen so much that in many families, adult children come back home. This can create conflict.
It is great that your son has a new job and if all goes well he will probably want his own place, but you are faced with the situation as it is. The fact you are there for him will be uppermost in his mind. Surely he will want to accommodate any stress points between the three of you?
What is your husband most anxious about? Does he need to know when your son plans to leave again? House hunting feedback? More rent? Chores? An offer of DIY as a trade-off for this new set-up?
You and your husband need to talk. Find a park or restaurant where you can both relax. Explain how common the situation is and how it will be temporary (hopefully). Reminisce about how tough your early years were. Point out that your son is fortunate to have you both.
Encourage them to go out together – but if he doesn’t already, insist your son helps around the house or garden. If your husband feels taken advantage of, he is entitled to feel resentment. I’m sure you can turn this round, and enjoy each other’s adult company, while supporting your son on the next stage of his journey. Mutual respect and patience is the way!
What is your husband most anxious about? He may feel he’s being taken advantage of