Chris Pascoe’s Fun Tales
A mulled wine or five and an encounter with two top predators are a scary mix
Last week I visited two fully grown tigers. Luckily this wasn’t actually a catsitting visit. If it were, I doubt I’d have been around for Christmas.
No, this was a trip to our local theme park and zoo’s Christmas Wonderland, which was much the same as a normal theme park day but with mince pies and roasted chestnuts.
We actually went to the theme park with one thing in mind – don’t, on any account, go into the theme park. We’d decided to set our teenager and her friend loose and sit in the adjacent hotel all day long. No theme-parking at the theme park for us, oh no, we’d just drink mulled wine and listen to Christmas carols in the bar. Bah Humbug.
As well as carol singers, the hotel had a huge Christmas tree and Santa Claus and his elves kept popping through the bar area. By early afternoon we were in such a cheery festive mood, we suddenly decided to take a stroll around the zoo. I’m so glad we did!
Like everyone else at the zoo that cold frosty afternoon, we stood staring into animal enclosures devoid of animals. Unlike everybody else, though, we had a major piece of luck. Stepping into a small alcove to tie my shoelace, I bent down and realised I was face to face with two huge tigers. I think Lorraine jumped more than I did, but only because of my girlie scream. Luckily, the two faces were the other side of armoured glass – but in my defence, it was very clear glass.
For the next ten minutes, we were treated to the ultimate tiger spectacle. I know tigers are cats (on the ball, I am) but I had no idea just how much like our own little domesticated felines they really are.
Firstly, Tiger One began rubbing his face luxuriantly around a fence post, while Tiger Two rolled over to ask for a tummy rub (with lots of experience of your average tabby-tummy-tickle-trap there was no way he’d be getting one, even if I could reach). Then Tiger Two bounced up and the pair of them began rubbing their faces together, before engaging in a bit of playful paw cuffing that’d probably be enough to kill you.
I stood in absolute awe watching these two magnificent cats behaving in exactly the same way as the little scallywags I work with every day of the week.
The only difference was that they weighed in at 200 kilos and sported such a fearsome arsenal of sharp teeth and claws, even my bruiser ex-stray cat Bodmin would find them a handful. Possibly…
Finally people realised where the tigers were, and we were rolled away by an army of baby buggies, but it really had been the best Christmas gift imaginable, fittingly delivered by my favourite people on the planet – cats.
Merry Christmas everyone – I hope you have a wonderful day, Santa brings you everything you’ve wished for, and none of you get eaten by tigers. Now that’s a Christmas message you don’t hear every day.
No way would he get a tummy rub – even if I could reach