Ask Helen
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Mother Of The Groom’s Wedding Blues
My youngest daughter and I are having lots of fun planning for her wedding next year. Unfortunately, her future mother-in-law just isn’t showing any interest at all. She won’t even tell us what colour of outfit she is wearing on the day and hasn’t volunteered to help with anything. She’s really putting a dampener on my girl’s big day. What’s wrong with her? Can you advise us on what to do?
Weddings are so exciting, but due to the pressure of the occasion they can also become a battleground if you let them. It is your daughter’s (and fiancé’s) wedding, so perhaps you present as the person in pole position to do most of the planning with your daughter.
The mother-in-law’s role is less – but still very significant. It is kind and courteous of you to involve her and ask her things, but maybe don’t expect full replies. This may be a situation where
she is either genuinely less interested in clothing and otherwise engaged right now – or she is making her presence felt and this is the way she has found to do it.
I would let her know the colour theme for the bridesmaids and your outfit. That way, she can the decide what colour is right for her. By stating your preference, she will know what to avoid or not! But at least you have done the decent thing.
As for her help, I’d leave that to her son. He, with your daughter, will know what is possible – maybe he could ask his parents for financial help with photography or drink or the honeymoon.
She may be feeling left out – suggest that her son helps remedy that. Once she is brought into the proceedings she will feel less defensive. It’s worth giving this a good shot – they will be your in-laws! Start as you mean to go on.
Enlist the help of her son to get her more involved and hopefully less defensive