I Don’t Know Why He Avoids Me
How can I improve my relationship with my son if he won’t even talk to me? He was already unhappy with me before he met his girlfriend four years ago. Now he will only hear me out if she is present. I don’t feel I can be myself in that scenario. The rest of the time he avoids me and rarely even responds if I speak to him. I would say “sorry” if I knew where I had gone wrong, but I have no clue. This is breaking my heart.
This is such a sad state of affairs, and must be causing you constant pain. You say the relationship was not good before he met his girlfriend. Can you remember back to that time?
Only you know the circumstances – but it may offer clues as to what triggered his distance. Was he a teenager? Maybe there was a family split? A divorce? Something must have disappointed him about you, and it’s unfortunate that neither of you could tackle it at the time
– if only to prevent the wound deepening.
However, he is in a stable relationship, which is good news. Might it be possible to talk to his girlfriend alone? Perhaps if you invite her for coffee and confide in her – without becoming pressurising – to ask her to help you bridge the silence? She may have a good relationship with her mother and want to help you both.
You are genuinely baffled as to why your son is so distant and she may well be able to offer some information. Knowledge is power.
Another way forward could be to write your son a letter. Perhaps he is not able to communicate face to face?
At the end of the day, you are in some contact. You can only keep showing you are willing to connect out of your continued love for him. It is his loss if he won’t give you a chance to move forward.
A way forward may be to write your son a letter if he cannot communicate face to face