Chris Pascoe’s Fun Tales
Chris becomes the victim of two somewhat over exuberant Turkish Van cats…
Afew weeks ago, I wrote here about the sheer intensity of Burmese cats, and over the years I’ve looked after a great many breeds but last week, for the first time ever, I cat-sat for a pair of “Turkish Vans” named Sinbad and Hercules. I’m still recovering.
While sounding more like a mode of transport, these cats make Burmese seem like teddy bears. Upon arrival, I think I was lulled into a false sense of security by the pair’s fluffy, loveable appearance. Therefore, I didn’t think there could possibly be any danger in sitting down at the dining room table to quickly check my notes. Immediately, there was a thud behind me as Sinbad landed on the kitchen worktop, and a thud in front of me as Hercules landed on the dining table.
For a brief moment I felt I was in the famous Velociraptors in the kitchen scene from Jurassic Park. In the movie, the raptors’ prey escaped, but I wasn’t so lucky (if it wasn’t for bad luck, I’d have no luck at all). Suddenly Sinbad took another giant leap and landed on the back of my chair, securing his position by sinking his claws into the nearest grippable surface… me. At the same moment, Hercules threw his head forward for a face rub, almost breaking my nose.
I then felt an extremely odd sensation on the back of my head… Sinbad was eating my hair. As Hercules continued to lovingly headbutt me in the face, the situation behind me suddenly deteriorated. I can’t describe how it feels to have your hair ripped out with teeth, so I’ll just quote my own words at the time: “Argghh, argghh! No!” I think that’s what I said. It was at this moment that I realised I probably needed to move (I’m quick on the uptake) and so I attempted a sideways hop that had absolutely no effect on the cat on my shoulders, but at least ended the pummelling I was getting from the cat in front of me.
Believe it or not, I’ve had a lot of experience of removing cats from my back, so immediately lay face down on a nearby sofa, hoping that Sinbad would climb off onto the arm of the chair, as cats usually do. A trill-purr and a thump in the middle of my back told me I’d just doubled my problem. Welcome aboard, Hercules.
It took ten minutes to get off that sofa, and even then not because of any skill on my part, but because Hercules eventually fell asleep and Sinbad got distracted by a pigeon on the windowsill and decided to move on to a more challenging adversary.
As he walked away with my hair hanging from his mouth, I gently rolled over and let Hercules flop onto the cushions beside me. I was free! As the week progressed, I learned more and more about my two charges, and more and more about pain. I have to say however, that every single thing they did was out of pure exuberance and affection without a hint of malice. Except maybe for scalping me – not exactly sure what that was all about…
As Hercules headbutted me, Sinbad was eating my hair