Ask Helen
Celebrity agony aunt Helen Lederer gives you her heartfelt advice every week
It would do no harm to remind everyone of your own needs from time to time
As someone who has been a social worker, mother, wife and divorcee I have been around the block a few times. I’m humbled to answer your questions and feel that if a problem can be shared it can be halved – at the very least.
I’m sure this offer of childcare would earn you and your husband many awards in the “best grandparents” stakes – however, as you say, there seems to be an imbalance.
Your motives are kind and caring and I’m sure your family relationships are the better for it – but it would do no harm to remind everyone of your own needs from time to time. This doesn’t have to be done in any hard-done-by manner.
Instead you could offer some advance warning to all your offspring. Tell them that on a certain date you have been lucky enough to have been invited to see some friends/go to the theatre/have an away break – and suggest that they will all have to make their own arrangements for this time. The value of downtime cannot be underestimated. You do both need some weekends for yourselves, if only to catch up with friends.
On the other hand, it seems you have weekdays to “do your own thing” and what you’re doing is enjoying your grandchildren (as I’m sure they enjoy being with you). You are also giving your children essential time to relax. If you can enjoy the weekdays and provide this magnificent service, my advice would be to continue as you are but add in the odd weekend when it suits you, without any guilt. Your friends must envy your energy!