Ask Helen
Celebrity agony aunt Helen Lederer gives you her heartfelt advice every week
As someone who has been a social worker, mother, wife and divorcee I have been around the block a few times. I’m humbled to answer your questions and feel that if a problem can be shared it can be halved – at the very least.
This is a cry for help and needs a willingness to understand without judgement
There’s nothing much worse than having to accuse your grandson of stealing from you. Firstly, you must be 100% sure, and if you are, you do have to say something. But the way you do that is very important. I would suggest you speak to your son to sound out the landscape first. You can start by saying that you understand how difficult adolescence can be, and if – as I suspect he will – your son talks about your grandson’s difficulties, you can ask whether stealing money is one of them.
This is where it can get difficult. Your son may ask why you mentioned that, which will provide an opportunity to tell the truth. If they’ve been having issues with him already, the theft may not be a surprise. These behaviours can be phases which, if dealt with at the time, can be solved. I’m sure your son would rather know the truth, especially if there is no judgement from you but rather a willingness to understand and face the issue. You can set an example of openness.
The alternative is that you tackle your grandson on your own and see if a kind but caring acknowledgement from you will stop the behaviour. I suspect this is a cry for help and requires a team effort from the whole family. Either way, I do hope that all will settle.