Chris Pascoe’s Fun Tales

A tiny Greek kitten messes up Chris’s text message attempts

people look a bit stern in their passport photos, you should see a passport mug-shot of a Persian cat!

Zeus’s new UK family, the Smiths, asked me to check in on him at lunchtimes while they were at work. Doing so not only left me battlescarred and exhausted, but also caused me to somehow text a valued customer to inform him I’d wet myself.

But back to day one… within minutes of entering Zeus’s playroom, I’d suffered multiple claw wounds to the back. Zeus, very much a non-conformist, will play any game as long as it’s not the game he’s meant to be playing. If you roll a ball for him, he’ll stop dead in his tracks, and stare at you with a slightly annoyed expression. But stand with your back to a kitten-reachable high surface for too long and it’s game on. Zeus will be using his claws as grappling hooks and climbing your back like you’re the North Face of the Eiger.

Everything was a game to Zeus. Sweeping up cat litter presented a marvellous opportunity to ride the broom-head while clinging to its handle like a tiny tabby windsurfer, an understandable habit I suppose, being the Mediterranean moggy he is.

Sweeping up cat litter became a game to ride the broom-head

HiJohn,unfortunatelynot,I weedmyselfx

You’ll note there’s an X on the end of that sentence. How Zeus caused me to not only send that awful reply but also add a kiss I’ll never know!

Staring at my screen in horror, I decided that I should send a friendly, chatty follow-up message, telling my client all about Zeus and what had just happened! I managed one sentence before Zeus launched in for a renewed attack. Why I panicked instantly and pressed send I’ll never know, but I’m fairly sure my second message made me look even crazier than the first: Sorry,akitten mademesendthatmessage. He’sGreek.

Our latest Fun Tales Collection, TheDaftestRabbit HopsAgain& OtherStories is available from WWW.DCTHOMSONSHOP. CO.UK for just £7.99. www.myweekly.co.uk