Baby Steps

A series of knockbacks had left Bethany afraid to leave the house… so what was she doing sitting on a horse?

“You can’t stay indoors forever,” Kyle had encouraged her when he’d suggested today’s ride.

No – but was this a step too far?

The problem had crept up on Bethany without her noticing. It had started last November. Being made redundant from the admin job she loved at the solicitors had been a huge blow, but she had expected to find similar work soon. However, that hadn’t happened – and then the week after she’d finished at Britannia and Sons, she and Hal, her boyfriend of four years, had split up.

“It’s not you, it’s me,” he’d mumbled, his brown eyes pleading with her for understanding.

“Surely you could’ve come up with a more original excuse after all this time, Hal?” she’d cried as she watched him pack. of her flat. But when she put on her coat and gloves before opening the front door, she started shaking.

Her head feeling swimmy, she decided to forget her shopping trip. As she needed a lot of items, she simply arranged another online delivery. No doubt she was coming down with something. When she was better, she would hit the shops with a vengeance.

“How about meeting me for a coffee?” her friend Ksenia said a few days later. They had worked together at Britannia and Sons. “We can compare notes about job hunting.”

“Sure – when are you free?”

“Every day. I can’t find a job either.” Bethany arranged to meet Ksenia in town the next day but when she tried to leave the flat the same thing happened. She shook and when she took a step outside, the ground seemed to tilt. She retreated and pulled out her phone.

“I’m sorry, Ksenia. I’m … not well. Can we make it another day?”

“Sure. Take it easy and text me when you’re feeling better.”

However, soon afterwards Ksenia found another job working for an accountant, so they never had a chance to rearrange their coffee date.

Now this had happened to Bethany a second time, she was worried she had a real problem. She wanted to confide in Kyle – but how could she tell her sporty, outdoorsy brother that she was afraid to even step outside?

In the end, Kyle spotted it before she worked up the courage to tell him. “You never seem to go out any more. Is there a problem?”

She started to say, “No, of course not” but then burst into tears.

“Whatever is it, sis?” he’d asked. “I think … there is something wrong. I know it sounds silly, but I can’t go outside.”

He’d led her to the sofa and given her a tissue. When she stopped crying, he made her tell him everything.

“Look, you can get over this. It’s a blip. Lots of things happened to you in a short space of time. Hal, the job, Saffy.

determined. She asked Kyle to drive and collect her from the salon.

“No problem. If it means you’ll sort out your roots, I’ll take you to Land’s End!” “Cheeky!” she’d laughed.

Sitting in Stylez and Smilez, she’d felt a million dollars.

With her recovery almost complete, Kyle suggested, “Look, come with me to the stables. We’ve some lovely quiet horses. It would give your confidence a boost to try something new.”

Kyle had been so patient with her over the last few months that in a rash moment she’d agreed. He loved riding. The least she could do was show some interest in his hobby. And that was how she’d arrived here at Forest View Stables, sitting astride Tulip.

Slowly Kyle led the patient Tulip around the paddock. “That’s it – sit up straight but relax,” he encouraged.

Bethany did as he suggested. The horse stepped forward. Wow! She was riding. The pace might be painfully slow and there was no way she’d allow Kyle to release his hold on Tulip – but she was actually riding!

“Want a go on your own?”

“Oh God, no!” she panicked.

Kyle laughed. “Don’t worry, I won’t leave you until you’re ready.”

“Sorry…”

“Don’t be. Everyone learns in their own time. You’re doing really well.”

Kyle led Tulip and Bethany around the paddock several times. He even taught her to slalom through cones. “Right – I think we’ll call it a day.” Bethany smiled as he helped her to dismount. It wasn’t a moment too soon. “What did you think? Did you enjoy it?” “It was nerve wracking but yes, I did.” Tentatively, she patted Tulip who snorted her approval.

“Will you come again?”

“Um … yes, I think I might.”

It was only after Kyle dropped Bethany back at her flat that she felt the benefit of her visit to the stables. She’d always lacked the confidence to ride but here she was, having survived her first lesson!

If she could sit on a horse, which had always daunted her, then surely, she could achieve other goals.

Like going out alone again?

Filling the kettle, she bit her lip.

She’d coped when she was with Lucas and Kyle, but she hadn’t been out on

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her own yet. That felt insurmountable.

“Remember – baby steps,” Lucas had counselled.

Several times she’d opened the front door, ready to venture out but each time something stopped her. She wasn’t dizzy or breathless any more; the physical symptoms of her agoraphobia had long since disappeared, but mentally something prevented her.

The kettle boiled and clicked off. Of course, she must go out alone. She couldn’t expect Kyle to escort her everywhere. And she needed to find a new job. She couldn’t do that unless she could travel on her own.

She finished making her coffee. Maybe one day she’d do it…

Hello, Bethany?” “Ksenia – how are you? How’s the new job going?”

“Fine. It’s the job I’m phoning about.” Ksenia explained that the company she was working for was looking to expand. She’d told her boss that Bethany was a good worker, and he was keen to interview her.

“Oh, I don’t know –” She hesitated. “You have a new job?”

“No…”

“Then you must come and try here? Mr Lowe suggests Wednesday at two.”

Bethany took a deep breath. She was about to tell Ksenia that she couldn’t go. That she was busy. That she was washing her hair… anything to avoid leaving the flat and travelling into town alone. But then she remembered Kyle’s words – Youcan’tstayindoorsforever.

“I … OK … thank you. Tell Mr Lowe I’ll meet him on Wednesday.”

Bethany hardly slept for the next few nights. How could she go into town alone? She decided to ask Kyle if he could take her to the interview.

“Sorry, sis. I’m in London for a meeting. Good luck, though.”

“Thank you.”

In desperation, she’d phoned Lucas. “You’ve come so far, Bethany. You don’t need anyone with you. It’s time. Remember your breathing exercises. How to keep calm. Try to imagine the worstcase scenario, then work out how you’ll cope in the unlikely event that happens.”

Lucas’ voice soothed her, making her feel she could do anything.

Later she pulled from her wardrobe her smartest outfit – a fitted blue dress with three-quarter length sleeves. It had cost all her bonus one year, but it had

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