ASK HELEN
Celebrity agony aunt Helen Lederer gives you her heartfelt advice every week
As someone who has been a social worker, mother, wife and divorcee I have been around the block a few times. I’m humbled to answer your questions and feel that if a problem can be shared it can be halved – at the very least.
You are being eminently sensible. Keep trying to get your relatives used to the idea
arguments, such as you mention, where relatives fight over possessions of a deceased parent. Some of this is just an expression of grief, at a time of very heightened emotion, but sometimes the motivation is less pleasant.
To avoid tense conflict where people may over-obsess or say things they may regret is eminently sensible and shows foresight. There is a sense of calm and knowing in your planning and will make whatever memento you allocate all the more precious to your loved ones.
You have very sensibly made your list. Hang on to it and give a copy to your executors. Also, why not bring the subject up with individual family members to get them used to the idea that you have made a list and it is “official”?
Remember, it can always be changed by you if you think of something that one family member might particularly like.
Write to Helen Lederer at: Ask Helen, My Weekly, 2 Albert Square, Dundee DD1 1DD. Helen is unable to enter into private correspondence with readers.
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