On The Cover Jill Halfpenny I’m doing what I love!
Jill Halfpenny explains why her emotional new role was so close to home…
Jill Halfpenny has already enjoyed a 30-year career in the spotlight. The bubbly Geordie actress got her start in BykerGrove opposite Ant and Dec before shooting to fame as Kate Mitchell in EastEnders from 2002-05. She topped it by waltzing to glitterball glory in Strictly Come Dancing in 2004, and since then has worked non-stop in series like Dark Money, Humans, In the Club and WaterlooRoad.
Still only 45, Jill’s not even hitting the lull that affects many actresses of that age. As we speak by Zoom about her juicy new role in a Channel 5 drama, Jill admits she seems to be bucking the trend.
“I actually feel bad for saying that, but, yeah, it feels like my career’s got better,” says Jill. “I feel like the quality of the jobs that I’m getting is better and more what I want to do.”
Jill’s latest role is the lead in a new Channel 5 drama, The Drowning. She plays Jodie, a musician and mum of one grieving for her young son, who died in a drowning accident eight years ago, although his body was never found. One day, Jodie sees a teenage boy in town and is convinced that it’s her son – that he’s alive and living locally. She becomes determined to find a way into his life so she can positively identify him, and the thriller unfolds from there.
But the role hits close to home for Jill in more ways than one. For starters, Jill, too, has one son – Harvey (12), from her marriage to actor Craig Conway, which ended in 2010. And bereavement has been a big focus of her life after her partner, Matt Janes, died suddenly of a heart attack in the gym in early 2017, aged just 43.
Jill, who’s always kept her personal life quite private, never spoke about Matt or his death until she took part in a podcast just over a year ago. Even nearly three years on, Jill cried when discussing Matt’s Matt s death – it was still clearly very raw for her.
She admitted the grief at the time was unbearable, not least because
Matt’s passing echoed the death off her father, Colin. In
1979, he had a heart attackttk during a game of football.
Jill says it’s taken her several years to process her losses, but she’s learned that talking about grief is the only way through it.
“I think we’re not very good at talking about grief. People feel ashamed or think, ‘I don’t want to let people into the dark corners of my mind.’ But I think you have to connect, to share how you feel and be prepared to be that vulnerable.
“I’m quite passionate about grief and meeting it head-on. I’ve had very different experiences in my life where it hasn’t been met head-on – because head-on is for me the way to go. So when my partner died, I just made a decision to sit with it, to be with it.”
It’s a different approach from her character in The Drowning. “Jodie was a very creative, very lively, joyful person, but after she loses her son, she finds it really difficult to experience joy any more,” says Jill. “And that’s because of the obvious grieving, bbut t alsol bbecause off ththe guilt. ilt TTo even smile or laugh feels like you’re somehow betraying the person that’s gone. Like, ‘How dare you be happy?!’”
Jill says she didn’t hesitate to take the role, despite it requiring her to go to the dark places she’s visited in her own life.
“I haven’t experienced the kind of loss Jodie has, thank God, but I believe that people can grieve just as heavily over the loss of a relationship as over the loss of a person,” she says. “When you’re going on that journey with that character, my brain and body don’t know I’m pretending when I’m making it feel anxious and sad. So I have to make sure I do stuff to counteract that.”
She does yoga, meditates and writes a journal. New roles – some in comedy, which she loves – are coming her way. It’s been a tough few years, but Jill is ready to face the future.
“I feel like I’m becoming different,” she says with a smile. “I feel so fortunate.”
“I THINK WE’RE NOT VERY GOOD AT TALKING ABOUT GRIEF. YOU HAVE TO CONNECT”