ASK HELEN
Ask your mother why she did this and then explain to her how it made you feel and why
As someone who has been a social worker, mother, wife and divorcee I have been around the block a few times. I’m humbled to answer your questions and feel that if a problem can be shared it can be halved – at the very least.
Will My Infuriating Mum Ever Change?
mother is judgemental and old fashioned, but her latest stunt really upset me. My daughter married a lovely bloke with a daughter from a previous relationship and they now have a little boy together. My mother showered her new great-grandson in gifts at Christmas, but didn’t buy anything for his half-sister. I was so embarrassed! I bought a present and put her name on it. I can’t tell my daughter as she would be upset. What can I do?
Ithink it’s time to have a chat with your mother about your family and how happy your daughter is. Remind your mother how your daughter’s “blended” family have bonded and how strong the family unit is with both children being so loved and secure. There is nothing negative whatsoever in a blended family, but your mother needs help in leaving her unhelpful values behind. Talk about your step-granddaughter with fondness and remind your mother that she is someone who is valued in the family, as well as the new baby. Make sure she knows that, as far as you’re concerned, they come as a unit.
Ask her why she ignored her new step-great- granddaughter, and tell her how that made you feel – although it would be good if you can do this without being antagonistic. Make her understand the importance of extended family relations so she can make amends next time. Of course, you may well get a roasting, but slowly make your mother know that her action was not acceptable. You could make light of it by saying you assumed she had forgotten so you gave a gift from her so that your mother was shown in a good light. Hopefully, she will be helped to see the importance of inclusivity, and you can put this behind you.