Ask Helen
Celebrity agony aunt Helen Lederer gives you her heartfelt advice every week
Sometimes the child will come up with their own pet name for various grandparents
As someone who has been a social worker, mother, wife and divorcee I have been around the block a few times. I’m humbled to answer your questions and feel that if a problem can be shared it can be halved – at the very least.
Yes, second marriages do throw up some interesting situations and this is one of them. Actually, it’s not a surprise to me, and I know blended families who have had discussions about a range of different names in order to keep the peace while respecting the pecking order of family roles. Your daughter’s father will be the baby’s grandfather and your husband will be the step grandfather. That is a fact, but it doesn’t have to be limiting. Of course, your husband will be heavily involved with the baby as you will be. Why don’t you start by discussing different names? Your husband’s own Christian name is one option, or a different pet name – grandad 2, or grandad and his surname, or bumpy or boo boo! Sometimes the child will come up with their own name and all the pre-planning will come to nothing! It would be wise to relax a bit about it and have fun coming up with a great alternative. All grandparents are important to children and the names are less important than the involvement. Once the baby has arrived and your various relationships get established, the name will become less important. And, congratulations!
Write to Helen Lederer at: Ask Helen, My Weekly, 2 Albert Square, Dundee DD1 1DD. Helen is unable to enter into private correspondence with readers.