Boris the hard-hat lightweight

YOU know things are getting back to normal when politicians are wearing hard hats again.

The high-viz-clad Johnson, resplendent in dayglo yellow and straddling some sort of butch earth-moving machinery, was the confirmation we needed that our politicians were back in campaign mode.

Evidently not content with previously likening himself to Churchill, the wiff-waffer-in-chief made a not-so-subtle gambit to reposition himself as Franklin D Roosevelt, primarily by mentioning him at every opportunity. The Government would “build build build”, we were told. A new era of infrastructure and public spending was upon us, the likes of which hadn’t been seen since the Great Depression.

Economically speaking, FDR is one of the most successful politicians of the 20th century. The Great Depression will be dwarfed by the scale of the Covidrecession,

but FDR, with the help of British economist John Maynard Keynes, realised the only way out was for his government to invest.

It might seem counter-intuitive, but increasing debt during a crisis stimulates the economy if it’s well spent – on things that will boost growth and pay themselves back in the long run – like better schools, better roads and new energy generation.

But it also creates short-term benefits too, like giving people jobs and therefore paying out less in state welfare.

So it was fair to assume – given Keynes has never really been proved wrong that some major infrastructure was about to be built.

Could it be true that the chronic underfunding of the last decade was about to be undone?

Even the poor old underinvested East Midlands could be in for a share, I thought. Might it be the long-awaited electrification of the Midlands Mainline? Perhaps our pot-hole – sorry, I mean road – network.

Nope. Instead we got half-price restaurant offers. I kid you not.

“I’m sorry your gran died and you’re one of the millions unemployed, but here’s a halfprice Frankie and Benny’s voucher.”

“Well it’s not much, but I guess I’ll take it. I might go this weekend.”

“No you won’t, it’s Monday to Wednesday only.”

The package – most of which was in the Tory manifesto pre-covid – missed the mark worse than the sequel to Titanic. It was like fixing an axe wound with Calpol.

While FDR gave us the Hoover Dam, Boris gave us Little Chef. The poundshop Churchill tribute act buttered nobody’s parsnips. It’s unlikely the dime store Roosevelt will either.