ASK THE EXPERT
QI HAD a late miscarriage during my first pregnancy and now I’m pregnant again and I’m terrified the same thing will happen. How can I cope?
AZOE CLARK-COATES, a mum of two daughters, is the CEO of the baby loss charity the Mariposa Trust (mariposa trust. org) which she set up with her husband after they lost five babies. She is also the author of a new book, Pregnancy After Loss.
She says: “I am so sorry for your loss – when the trapdoor has opened beneath you without any warning, it changes you forever.
“Some people can find it helpful to get grief counselling, as it allows them the space to deal with the complex layers of grief. Others find just talking with a loved one can help. The important thing is letting your pain be expressed, so you continue to progress through the grieving process.
“Pregnancy after loss is hard to explain, it’s something most people long for but are simultaneously terrified of. You’re not alone in this struggle, and it’s 100% normal to be scared and feel overwhelmed.
“Give yourself time and space to talk about your worries and fears with your partner or with someone who’s willing to listen.
“Secondly, try to practise relaxation techniques. Deep breathing exercises and grounding techniques can prevent panic attacks, and they are useful when needing to attend medical appointments and scans.
“Third, remind yourself (and have others remind you) this is a different pregnancy. No one can guarantee this pregnancy will have a different ending; however, it’s highly likely to. Yes, one in four babies are lost in pregnancy, but this means three in four end up in people’s arms, and reminding yourself of this can really help.
“I want to assure you, you’ll make it through this – you’ve overcome one of the hardest things in the world, losing a precious child, so I know you have the strength to endure this walk through pregnancy, and I’m here to cheer you on.”