Why is gardening ‘essential’?

SO limited are the sources of enjoyment these days that it was a pleasure to go shopping somewhere other than a supermarket.

Me and the missus spent an ultimately expensive hour or so browsing toys, books, games, puzzles, gift sets, towels, greeting cards and clothes – none of which you’re allowed to sell if you’re a retailer specialising in such things.

But we were at a garden centre and they’re exempt from the Lockdown 2 restrictions. Garden centres are classed as essential businesses and though that made some sense in spring and summer, it’s hard to see what’s so essential about gardening at this time of year.

Those centres large and wealthy enough to be able to offer items like those I mentioned, in addition to garden supplies, can stay open and sell their whole range of goods. Meanwhile, shopkeepers who rely solely on, say, toys or cards, have to close. The British Independent Retailers’ Association has called for clarity over “large mixed retail spaces”, saying some big firms are clearly flouting the rules, Now, the Government has issued guidance, saying that “a business that sells a significant amount of essential retail may also continue to sell goods typically sold at non-essential retail”.

It adds that “where a business has sufficiently distinct parts, and one section provides essential retail and one section provides non-essential retail, the non-essential sections should close”. I’m sure that could have been arranged at the garden centre we visited but it wasn’t, nor was it done at the local Tesco, where the first floor is taken up largely by clothes, DVDS and computer stuff.

Another Boris fudge; another example of the “us and them” mentality that has dogged the Covid-19 debate.

■Spreading laughter

IT’S good to shine a light on a one-man mission to spread smiles.

Martin Sykes has come up with a “groan a day” since the first lockdown began. The former Raleigh worker, 73, is chairman of Long Eaton and District Talking Newspaper for the Blind and Partially Sighted and has emailed a corny joke to volunteers, friends and family all over the world for 249 days – and counting. “I try to find ones nobody has heard before and they can’t be rude,” he says.

One of his favourites is: “I have a newt called Tiny. I call him that because he’s minute.” After a life in the print industry, I like this one: “Helvetica and Times New Roman walk into a bar. “Get out of here!” shouts the bartender. “We don’t serve your type.”