New perspective on old problems

THIS week, I was reminded how sometimes the past can easily catch up with us. When we endure a painful time in our life we often battle against it, and we tend to become stressed and anxious because of it.

Then once we’ve processed it, lived through it and in some way moved on from it we can be forgiven for thinking that it’s over, done with, finished.

We all bear emotional scars from such times, we carry them with us, we refer to them at points in our lives where it seems appropriate, all the time feeling as though the worst of that time is behind us.

Life has a funny way of working out, with lots of twists and turns and sometimes those painful memories come back to haunt us. It can be in the form of a Facebook memory popping up on your timeline, or bumping into a person who reminds you of that particular time in your life, there are many ways in which bad memories can manifest themselves.

When they do we are tested, what did we learn the first time around? How can we deal with it more calmly, and rationally this time? Will I feel better about this soon?

This week, I was faced with all of those questions and I felt like I was back there in that specific situation reliving what had been an absolute nightmare for me at the time.

Amidst the chaos of mum life, my kids running wild, an endless list of chores and thankless tasks, I was feeling really sad internally. I felt raw. I felt numb.

As women it can often feel like we are constantly fighting, fighting for equality, fighting to strike a balance in our lives between the world of being a mum and having a career, fighting our own thoughts of inadequacy and doubt... it’s no wonder that at times we feel utterly exhausted.

When something upsets me I let it control everything and I usually give up for that week, cancelling plans and meetings and generally withdrawing.

This week, I decided not to follow that old route of mine that I know so well and feel so comfortable with. I carried on, I kept up with my Yoga sessions, I did my best to keep on top of work with meetings and emails, and I headed outside for some walks appreciating my lovely surroundings.

I also listened to a favourite podcast of mine by a lady called Harinder Ghatora who is a Holistic Life Coach. Her latest episode is all about alleviating our suffering by changing our perspective and it’s a perfect listen for right now what with us dealing with lockdown number 2.

Things may not always be perfect or feel great, I definitely haven’t felt my happiest this week and that’s ok. I’ve cried, felt a little sorry for myself and I’ve done one of the most toxic things you can do to yourself - I’ve told myself negative things about me.

During tough times we all need someone to tell us we are brilliant and we are doing a great job but most importantly we need to learn to tell ourselves that and even more importantly we need to believe it.

■Kelly Pegg is a Journalist and Broadcaster who hosts the podcast The Hot Mess Mums’ club with TV Presenter Jenny Powell, supporting and empowering women everywhere. You can find it on Instagram @ thehotmessmums