Best day’s work I ever did

BACK in my young day a visit to the flicks was a weekly must and with the exception of the kids Saturday the’pney rush, cost roughly as little as nine pence in the common or garden stalls or if you had the means, one shilling and nine pence up the wide sweeping staircase to the posh balcony.

Up or down, for this sum we got a comfortable seat with an ashtray on the back of the seat in front and were entertained for the next three hours by, first, a Tom and Jerry cartoon, followed by a pacy, fast-moving Pathe News narrated by a chap with a clipped, terribly British BBC accent.

This was followed by a B movie inevitably in black ‘n’ white, followed by the big movie.

The auditorium very quickly filled up and soon the atmosphere fogged up with soft clouds of blueish grey cigarette smoke. As the end rolled up, there came the all important intermission.

The screen dimmed, the auditorium took on a low glow and an usher came down the aisle, a heavy illuminated tray hanging on her shoulders. This held all manner of sweets and choc ices. Soon a queue formed as we all went to spend our tanners.

The programme began again wearing onto its conclusion and as the credits began to roll up there was a mad dash for the exit and the noisy rattle of the double doors crashing open.

The sudden rush of air sucked out all the smoke in an instant. It was given that if you made it out of the doors before the picture of our queen accompanied by the national anthem started, you were out but if just one note of the anthem started, our patriotism held us to stand rigidly to attention to the last note.

Currently, there is a surfeit of these old B movies freely available now online during the pandemic. They vary between What? and dire.

But they tell a tale of what life was like way back then and one thing stands out, smoking. Everyone seems to have smoked back then, it was even considered to be stylish, romantic even as Humphrey

Bogart flicked a lighter illuminating the face of his latest female star as blue smoke curled across her lovely, Max Factored face.

Why, he was known to remove the mouldering stick from his orange-tinted lips before giving Lauren Bacall a smacker of a kiss.

I was an entrenched smoker from the age of 14 and it was considered to be acceptable to light up in anyone’s house without asking permission and flick your ash where you could.

Given the almost obligatory cup of tea, pre-mugs, it was served in a prettily flowered china cup and saucer, the saucer became your ashtray for the duration.

Personally, I would flick it in my shoe or even my handbag. Today, smoking is rarely seen in modern films and is very much in decline as folk finally accept the inherent danger of such a disgusting habit.

I finally stopped 25 years ago and it was the best day’s work I ever did. One cigarette is too many and a million is not nearly enough.