Big leap in support for grieving families
MAISIE INSPIRED TO SKYDIVE BY MEMORY OF TWIN SISTER
EACH milestone birthday Maisie Beers reaches is filled with questions on what life could have been like for twin sister Eve, who was stillborn.
Christmases, learning to drive and heading off to university have all been poignant moments but are also tough for mum Vanessa.
None more so than March 21 each year, when Maisie celebrates her birthday and the family remembers her twin sister.
But Eve has been kept alive in memories and is visited at her resting place in the Children’s Memorial Garden, Bramcote.
“She’s never forgotten and she is never not talked about,” Vanessa, of Mapperley, said.
“We always buy a Christmas decoration for her and even my younger son, Louie, knows about her.
“I look at the big milestones and it’s always tough because I feel she should have been there.”
As Maisie passed her 21st birthday, Vanessa recalled how things have changed so much for grieving families especially through the work of baby and child loss charity, Zephyr’s.
Vanessa, 51, has spent the last three years volunteering with Zephyr’s and recalls how different things are now compared with her experience.
“I got leaflets and there was a support group but just over the phone,” she said.
“Maisie was in the neo-natal ward for a long time after, so the teams in there were very supportive to me.
“But essentially I had to go down the route of post natal depression - it was the only way to get help.
“But reflecting now, I don’t think it was really needed.
“What Zephyr’s offer can in many ways be more valuable just being able to speak with others who’ve been down that path.
“I know from meeting other people who are still early in their grief but are far further than I was at that stage.”
Vanessa, who works in administration, helps the charity with fundraising and offering support of projects.
She said because of her experience, she is able to understand the needs of families and describes it as a judgement-free space.
“I think sometimes you just want people to acknowledge that your baby is real, which in my case was hard because most of my friends didn’t even see Eve.
“I found that very hard. I just ask simple questions like ‘how much did they weigh?.’ Sometimes, they’ve not even been asked that.
“It’s also important to know that when you are grieving, you say things that people may not understand.
“For me, all I wanted was for me and Maisie to die. That was very hard for my own mum to hear, but that’s how I felt.
“But at Zephyr’s no one judges you.
“I do feel I was luckier than some, with the family and friends I had. Some other volunteers I’ve met didn’t even have that, and weren’t even told whether their baby was a boy or girl.”
Being able to share her experiences with Maisie has brought the pair closer, and inspired Maisie to want to make her 21st birthday one to remember.
Maisie, who is now studying Criminology at Leeds University, aims to raise £1,500 for Zephyr’s through a charity skydive at Langar Airfield in May.
She said: “I feel like I understand more about the pain my mum went through and compared to what is offered now, it makes me so proud of her. It must be hard sometimes to revisit those memories.
“I wanted to raise money because I know how much it means to her. I also would love to do something to honour my sister.”
Vanessa added: “I think she’s crazy but she is so confident and I know she’s excited. I hope it helps people to know that even someone who was bereaved 20 years ago, if you never dealt with it, you can talk.
“And I hope I show people that life gets bearable. You do get through it, but it changes you.”
Zephyr’s was set up in 2017 to provide caring support for parents and families after the loss of a pregnancy, baby or child. The centre is run by Nottingham Hospitals Charity and is funded purely through charitable donations.
To sponsor Maisie, go to justgiving.com/fundraising/maisiebeers