It’s OK to do it your way

I HAVE a student friend who’s just arrived back at university after living at home since November last year. And she isn’t finding the transition easy.

In one car journey, the entire scenery of my friend’s life changed. Change comes fast like that. But the adjustment to seeing a different set of people each day, cooking for herself again, sleeping in a different bed – that’s taking longer.

I’m thinking that a lot of us are going through a similar thing right now. March 8: schools are open. April 12: non-essential shops are open. May 17: two households can meet indoors. Here comes the “new normal”. I’ve got used to spending my days and nights at home. My comfort zone has shrunk around me. But now my weekends are starting to fill up again: coffee dates, BBQS, and weddings. Nights out and evening activities will soon be cramming my calendar.

If you, like me, have found yourself wondering if you’re ready for all this, then welcome to the transition. Change is what happens to us; transition is what happens in us.

And that means that while change can happen quickly, transition is messier. Some of us want to cling on to the way were are for as long as possible: “slow down!”. Some of us relish the next challenge: “hurry up!”.

But there is no formula for getting transition right. William Bridges, in his book Transitions, notes that transition is made of an ending, a messy middle, and a new beginning. Each of us will need to go at our own pace, and let others go at theirs.

It can help to let go of the need to slow down, hurry up, or shepherd others to go faster or slower. The pressure is off.

Another help is to have the emotional resources to live unhurriedly. Christians believe in a God who is patient with us; in turn asking us to be an unhurried presence for others.

Knowing that helps me, and it also helps me help others. I can get alongside my student friend in her transition back to uni and reassure her that she is doing OK.

Next time you find yourself wondering about the transition, why not use it as an opportunity to think about someone you know wrestling with the same thing? It could be as elaborate as imagining a holiday together; as low-risk as an invitation to get a coffee over your lunch; or as simple as a text to say it’s OK to stay in,.

Change comes fast. Transition takes as long as it takes. And that’s OK.

■■ Tim Yearsley lives in Nottingham and works for LICC helping young people make sense of their journey into professional adulthood.