I’m positive, most of the time, but I still shed tears about the loss of my mum
From nature walks and bird watching to avoiding reality TV, Alison Steadman talks all things wellbeing with
UPBEAT and chatty, Alison Steadman has played some memorable roles over the years – from Pam Shipman in hit series Gavin & Stacey, to Beverly in Mike Leigh’s Abigail’s Party, which put her in the spotlight in the Seventies.
“Comedy’s my favourite but I love everything really. If it’s got a good script, I’ll go for it,” the Liverpoolborn actor, 73, declares happily. And she certainly has a glittering, varied CV – with TV credits from Fat Friends to Pride And Prejudice, alongside movie roles including 1989’s Shirley Valentine.
Away from the screen though, there is one sadness in her life which, even nearly 25 years on, can still move her to tears – losing her mother, Marj, to pancreatic cancer.
“I still carry the pain,” confides Alison, an ambassador for Marie Curie, the charity which provides care and support for people with terminal illnesses and their families.
“I’m a very happy, positive, upbeat person most of the time, but I can still shed tears about the loss of my mum. I’ll forget she’s gone for a moment and think, ‘I must tell mum this or that’, or I’ll hear a piece of music she liked and it will hit me again that she’s not here. The grief never goes away really,” she admits.
“It was a very hard time, but the care at the end of her life from Marie Curie nurses in the hospice, was wonderful,” Alison adds.
“They were so calm, gentle and understanding. It made such a difference to her last days.”
She says her mother was “a real character and a calming, steadfast presence in my life. She would give me the courage to carry on. Her famous phrase was, ‘Never say you can’t. Always say you can, and you will – you’ll do it’.
“If ever I questioned myself or got scared, she’d say: ‘You’ve done everything well so far, and you’ll do this well’. And to have that was amazing. I still talk to her in my head and ask for advice,” says Alison.
Here, the TV favourite opens up about ageing, why she hates reality shows, and has no plans to retire...
The bonus of this age is that I’m more confident than when I was younger, and not inclined to worry about little things so much. That’s liberating. I’m aware of my mortality and realise the next stage of life is moving towards an unknown place, if it exists, but I don’t dwell on it.
There are two pieces of advice I try to follow: ‘always look on the bright side of life’, and my mother’s ‘put a bit of lippy on and you’ll always feel better’.
I NEVER want to retire, but I suppose I’ll do less – although there are so many good parts being written for older people now, which hopefully means I can carry on.
When I started out, it was all about being young and glamorous, and the view was you’d be lucky to be working beyond 40. There was also a belief that older people sort of went into mothballs and stopped doing anything interesting that could be written about. The reality is, older people are as complex as any other age group.
Actually, now I feel sad for young actors because there are so many of them coming out of drama schools and universities and it’s getting so much harder for them to find work.
EVERYTHING. I’ve always said my sons, Toby and Leo, are my biggest achievement, and giving birth to them was the happiest time in my life.
I’m still good friends with my first husband, Mike Leigh, and my partner Michael Elwyn and I have been together 23 years and have a harmonious, strong relationship. He’s so important and when he’s working away, I absolutely hate it.
My grandson, Freddy, two, is literally the light of my life – although I worry about what sort of a planet we’re passing on.
The world’s getting more scary as far as plastic pollution and politics are concerned. I was a Remainer and I’m sad about Europe, but we just have to get on with it. controversy deliberately introduced to start rows, turn up the emotional temperature and slant things.
The celebrity jungle isn’t for me either. Insects wouldn’t bother me, but I couldn’t eat them when they’re alive because that’s so cruel.
I won’t watch any of those shows – give me a good quiz like University Challenge any day.