Witty words made light of war
CONTINUING on from last week’s story about Gunner Hugh Baxter, who eventually succumbed to Spanish Flu back home towards the end of hostilities, here are letters he wrote to the Ormskirk Advertiser, sharing banter from the trenches of the First World War:
From the Ormskirk Advertiser, November 18, 1915
FOOTBALL: THE ALLIES v. THE GERMANS.
Gunner Hugh Baxter, of the 50th Battery R.F.A., who lives in Derby-street, Ormskirk and who has been at the front in France since the outbreak of war, sends the following clever description of the Allies football team v. The Germans, the game to be played to a finish, referee Sir John French.
Hints about the English team: — Goalkeeper, George Ground — a goalie of sound abilities, who may be depended upon to stop the German crack shooter.
Right Back, Charlie Cannon — a great player whose ponderous drives cause much damage to the German side; he has been much sought after by the Germans, but still prefers to play for the English.
Left Back, Willie Barbed Wire — a great defensive player, classed as one of the finest seen in France; he gets the German into a hopeless tangle and is very hard to pass.
Right Half-back, Jack Whiz Bang — a nippy player, gives little warning when shooting, and backs up his forwards well.
Centre-half, Teddy Ammunition — a fine and useful player, the backbone of the team; feeds his forwards well, thanks to his trainer, Lloyd George.
Left half-back, Sammy Shrapnell — a heavy player who uses his weight to great advantage and sends in many nasty shots.
Outside right, Jack Rifler — a clean steady player, and a deadly shot who shows how to find the range and makes the most of his inside man.
Inside right, Tom Bayonet — a thrustful player, who likes to mix it; he is very effective at close quarters.
Centre forward, Jimmy Maxim — the top scorer of the team, who shoots at lightning speed and is a great favourite with the spectators.
Left inside, Bob Grenade — rather erratic at times, but his bursts are a great advantage to his side.
Left outside, Harry Flashlight — the light-player in the team, always a shining light to his side and shows the way to his opponents’ goal very clearly.
“I think (the writer concludes) this is the end of our English team, but there are wanted 1,000,000 khaki supporters, and victory is sure.
‘‘Those wishing to join the team can get a ticket by applying to the nearest recruiting office.”