Tom can’t save a monster mess

no fewer than six writers — including The Usual Suspects’ Christopher McQuarrie and Jurassic Park’s David Koepp — that sees fullyfleshed characters take a back seat to wonky supernatural powers and magical artefacts.

Alex Kurtzman, who delivered scripts for the likes of Star Trek and Transformers, directs only his second movie — and his first blockbuster — and struggles to serve up sufficient popcorn thrills and spills.

The plummeting, pressure-less plane set piece that dominated the marketing campaign is the film’s action highlight, with not even a London sandstorm coming close. Ahmanet’s zombie-like minions — and more crows than even Hitchcock could’ve handled in The Birds — add very little intimidation or peril.

Kurtzman’s film doesn’t feel very big either. After an ancient Egypt-set prologue, we go from Iraq to London — and that’s it. The lack of globe-trotting maybe wouldn’t be as noticeable if there weren’t so many scenes of people talking in rooms and other tight locations.

Cruise’s hero’s visions stall the forward momentum and Annabelle Wallis’ pompous, cold archeologist and Jake Johnson’s barely used comic relief feel like forced comrades for the leading man, rather than natural buddies.

At least Russell Crowe looks like he’s having a blast as Dr Henry Jekyll — positioned as the Dark Universe’s answer to Nick Fury.

But if this universe is to grow and see its planned multitude of flicks come to fruition, it will need a lot more energy, thrills and chills than this deeply disappointing opener.