It’s not always a chore thIng
GETTING KIDS TO HELP AROUND THE HOUSE IS ALL ABOUT ASKING IN THE RIGHT WAY AND MAKING YOUR EXPECTATIONS CLEAR, PARENTING EXPERTS TELL LISA SALMON
IF you’ve never struggled to get your kids to help with household chores or turn the lights off, then you’re a very lucky – and rare – parent indeed.
Like most of us, children don’t enjoy helping around the house, and often simply don’t see it as their job. After all, when they were tiny tots they didn’t have to empty the dishwasher or tidy their room, so why should they have to do it once they get a bit bigger?
There are many reasons children should help around the house, even from a very young age. Anyone who lives in a house should contribute to its upkeep if they can, and if children don’t learn how to do chores, they won’t have a clue how to look after a home once they eventually move out.
However, although the principle of getting kids to help around the house is a sound one, it can be another thing entirely to persuade them to do chores.
But it’s all in the way you ask them, insists Kavin Wadhar, founder of the KidCoachApp, which helps parents have thought-provoking conversations with their children.
“Chores, housework, spring cleaning, whatever we call it, it’s got to be done,” says Kavin. “If you ask your kids to help but get the usual ‘urgh, do I have to?’ and ‘yeah, later’ responses, then consider how you’re approaching them about the doing.”
Here Kavin, and child behaviour specialist Olivia Tarry, an expert on the Bloss parenting platform, give their tips on how to get kids to help with chores, and be even more helpful by switching off the lights regularly too...
Make sure chores are age-appropriate
Don’t ask too much of your kids. “We need to have realistic expectations of our children,” stresses Olivia. “A younger child won’t be able to tidy a whole playroom without any help – they might need to be given smaller, more focused tasks, and have the assistance of ‘tidy-up’ music or timers.”
Ask questions
Statements such as ‘Because I told you so’ don’t help children achieve anything, explains Kavin, but two-way conversations through asking kids questions can help them grow their critical thinking skills and change habits.
“By asking questions about why they should do something or how to best achieve goals, we can help them grow in confidence and develop essential skills,” he says.
“Two-way conversations, rather than just being told what to do, teach our children to be responsible and productive and help support success and make sound future choices.
“Encourage questions – if you make time for conversation daily, asking your kids ‘why you do this,’ and ‘how can we do better,’ etc, you’ll find you need fewer of the ‘just do it’ orders in the future.”
Make sure they understand why
Kavin stresses that good communication is an important tool in getting children to help around the house.
“Communication is a vital developmental skill and kids, like adults, need to understand why they’re doing something. Understanding why – not just knowing – helps them take action. They also want to feel empowered and listened to, not just told what to do.”
Storage is key
Youngsters will find it much easier to tidy up if it’s obvious where things go, so make sure you’ve provided obvious storage solutions.
“If we want children to put things away, we need to have clear homes for things,” explains Olivia. “We can help them by providing tubs with labels on them, and low-level hooks, etc.”
Include kids in decision-making Make sure children feel they’ve been involved with decisions about what’s done, and can suggest ideas, advises Kavin. “We can elevate our kids to our level by speaking to them in a way that