Should I make it happen?
I’m desperate for a baby, but my husband said he isn’t ready. I don’t think he’ll ever be 100% certain it’s the right time, but I know he’ll make an amazing dad one day. Shall I just stop taking birth control and let nature take its course? Christine, Manchester
Pick Me Up! reader Diane from Durham says:
No one is ever really ready for a baby, but once a baby arrives, most people are in love straight away. Everyone has doubts, but I’m sure your husband would step up. I say do what you need to do to fall pregnant. Your husband will never know you stopped taking the pill, and in the end it won’t actually matter, because he’ll be in love with his new son or daughter. Give him the push he needs.
Pick Me Up! reader Natasha from Exeter says:
This would be a terrible thing to do to your husband. Not only would you be lying to him, but you’d also be pushing him into a life that he didn’t choose. Do you really want dishonesty to be the way you make a baby? Imagine if someone forced you to do something you didn’t want to do? Don’t be so selfish.
Disagreeing on something as fundamental as having a baby or even the timing of such a big decision can be very distressing for both partners. I think there needs to be a discussion at an appropriate time and place. It’s important that both of you listen to each other’s reasoning – he should listen to your desire for a baby and you listen to his feeling of not being ready. Deceit is bound to make things even worse for both of you and it is not a base for a strong long term relationship. I think the two of you will have to renegotiate the basics in this relationship. Do you still have common goals and vision? Is this a disagreement over children or a more general lack of the same focus? If you feel that discussion alone is not getting you far, it might be time you consult a therapist.