Coping with grief

What’s on your mind? My dad recently passed away, and I’m worried about my seven-year-old son. He adored his granddad, and this is the first time he’s lost someone he loves.

How children cope with loss depends on their age, how close they felt to the person who died, and the support they receive. It’s important to be there for your child throughout the grieving process, no matter how difficult it may become.

Listen and comfort

Every child reacts differently to learning that a loved one has died. Some cry, some ask questions, and others seem not to react at all. These are all OK. Take time out to answer your child’s questions, encourage them to say what they’re thinking and feeling in the days, weeks and months after the death. Talk about your own feelings, too. It will help your child to be aware and comfortable with theirs. If you’re open about your own sadness, your child will realise that he’s not alone and will feel more comfortable talking about his own sadness and expressing his feelings.

Reassure them

Encourage your child to draw pictures and write down his favourite stories about his grandfather. Don’t avoid mentioning death, and try to recall happy memories. Let your child know that it takes time to feel better after a loved one dies. Some children may have trouble concentrating or sleeping while grieving, but if this persists, you could consider counselling to help you all through it.

Give them time

Provide the comfort your child needs, but don’t dwell on sad feelings. After talking, shift to an activity that helps your child feel better. Play a game or go somewhere fun together. Grief is a process that happens over time, so have ongoing conversations with your child about their feelings. Healing doesn’t mean forgetting about the loved one, but rather remembering them with love.