BEAUTIFUL WIFE Alan Vance, 54, from County Antrim, has some touching words for his one true love…

IOur very special day t took just a couple of dates in 2008 to know that you were The One for me.

We just clicked. Quickly, we became one big, happy family.

Your daughter Sian, then four, and my three sons, Taylor, 13, Mcauley, 12 and Jakson, four.

I counted my lucky stars that I’d found someone that was so beautiful and kind.

I wanted to put a ring on your finger right away.

Only, money was tight, our kids were young.

It was in May 2015 that I finally popped the question.

‘Of course!’you beamed.

We set a date for the wedding in November 2018.

But that April, you booked a doctor’s appointment after you were struggling to catch your breath.

‘Doc said it’s pleurisy,’ you told me.

You had inflamed tissue around your lungs.

You were given painkillers but while on holiday in Portugal, things got worse.

You were barely able to make it to the sunlounger before getting out of breath.

Back home, a scan showed two shadows on your lungs.

‘You have leiomyosarcoma, a type of cancer that affects the soft tissues,’ the consultant said. We were shell-shocked. And seeing the kids faces crumple as we told them the news was something I will never forget.

As it was a rare cancer, we had to wait for the doctors to work out a treatment plan.

‘Let’s bring the wedding forward,’ you told me that day.

And on 14 June 2018, I cried as I watched Mcauley walk you down the aisle.

Taylor was my best man and Jakson walked down the aisle with

I loved you so much Amanda your mum.

And, of course, Sian was your maid of honour.

You shone as a bride, and didn’t look at all like a woman with a terrifying cancer diagnosis.

It wasn’t until our first dance to A Thousand Years by Christina Perri that I spotted the pain hiding in your eyes.

Then, weeks after the wedding, we got more bad news.

We discovered that the chemotherapy

treatment was so

strong that it was likely to make you very ill.

There was a risk that it would weaken your immune system so much that you could end up having weeks to live. Without it, you’d have months. ‘I want as much time with you

We will never forget you

Memories we will treasure forever all as possible,’ you said, bravely declining treatment.

In your final weeks of life, you planned your funeral, prepared memory boxes.

But by August, you had moved into the Macmillan cancer unit at Antrim Hospital.

And all they could give you was pain relief.

‘I want to come home,’ you said a few weeks later.

It was on 23 August 2018 that I hugged you tight as the kids gathered around us.

Just 10 weeks after our wedding, you passed away.

You were only 43. My heart felt like it had been ripped out - and the kids were in pieces, too.

At your funeral, we played your favourite Whitney Houston song, I Will Always Love You, in tears.

A beautiful service for a very beautiful woman.

Looking through our wedding photographs now, I try to suppress my sadness.

Try not to dwell on the years of joy we were denied.

Instead, I think of all the happy memories we shared.

I still feel so lucky to have met you - and, for that, I thank you, my darling bride.

You were the most incredible bride

200g unsalted butter 200g golden caster or granulated sugar

1 tsp vanilla extract 3 large eggs 200g ground almonds 100g plain flour

1 tsp baking powder 100g white chocolate chips

1 x 435g tin Del Monte Pineapple Chunks in

Juice, drained (reserve the juice)

A few sprigs of fresh thyme

SALTED BROWN SUGAR GLAZE: Reserved juice from 435g tin of Del Monte Pineapple Chunks in Juice 2 tbsp light brown sugar ¼ tsp sea salt

METHOD:

1. Preheat the oven to 170°C and line a round, 20cmdiameter loose-bottomed cake tin with baking parchment.

2. Cut the butter into chunks and place in a large bowl with the sugar. Whisk with an electric whisk (or in a stand mixer) until fluffy (about 3 to 4 minutes). Add in the vanilla extract, then whisk again whilst adding in the eggs, one at a time.

3. Fold in the ground almonds, flour and baking powder. Stir in the white chocolate chips then spoon the mixture into the prepared cake tin. Level with the back of a spoon.

4. Arrange the drained pineapple chunks on top of the cake and push in very slightly. Bake for 35-40 minutes – until an inserted skewer comes out clean.

5. While the cake is in the oven, prepare the salted brown sugar glaze. Pour the reserved pineapple juice into a small non-stick saucepan.

6. Bring to the boil, then simmer for 8-10 minutes until reduced by half and slightly thickened.

7. Add the brown sugar and stir until the sugar dissolves, then stir in the salt. Turn off the heat and leave to cool to room temperature. It will thicken further.

8. When the cake is done, remove from the oven and leave to cool in the tin.

9. Remove from the tin and remove the baking parchment. Drizzle the salted brown sugar glaze on top (you can warm the glaze back up if it’s thickened too much). Arrange a few thyme sprigs on top, then serve.

MPick Me Up! reader Stacey from Blackpool says:

Your daughter’s weight is none of your concern, and you should love her regardless. She’s an adult and it’s probably something she’s very conscious of anyway. She doesn’t need her mum bringing her down even more. If and when she wants your support, that’s when you can be there for her. Right now, let her live her life. If it’s a major health problem, then I’m sure she’s hearing it from her doctor.

Touchy subject y daughter is 35 and she’s very overweight. I want to say something to her about it as I’m concerned about her health, but my friends say I’ll hurt her feelings and she’s an adult. Should I just leave it until she comes to me?

Pick Me Up! reader Helen from Exmouth says:

If you’re genuinely worried, then you should say something, but do it gently. Don’t go in telling her she’s fat, but rather that you’re worried about her, and try to get to the root cause of the problem. You could also try and get her up and about a bit more. A walk around the park perhaps? It doesn’t need to be worded as exercise, but rather as mother and daughter time. Just be there for her.

In short, yes. Your daughter’s health and life choices are hers to make as an adult, and you ceased having any control over that when she turned 18. People use food to block out their emotions and it can be a highly addictive cycle. Rather like having an alcoholic or drug addicted child, you are probably feeling powerless to help and frustrated as to why your daughter seems to ignore her health. My advice to you would be to get yourself to a CODA or Al-anon meeting – these incredible support groups are for those who love an addicted person and will give you tools for keeping your boundaries and loving that person without messing with their stuff. Above all, respect your daughter’s adulthood and let go of your need to ‘fix’ her.

IRecently my husband has asked me whether he can wear female clothes when we have sex, and I’m horrified. He says it’s just a fetish that he wants to explore, but I’m worried he could be questioning his sexuality. Should I say no to stop it going any further?

Pick Me Up! reader Melissa from Bath says: If it makes you feel uncomfortable then you shouldn’t do it. Instead, I think you should talk to him and try and understand where this is coming from. Whilst you shouldn’t push him away to the point he goes elsewhere, you should never do something you don’t want to. Start by talking to him, and if that doesn’t work, maybe try counselling?

Pick Me Up! reader Hollie from Brighton says:

While you shouldn’t do something that makes you feel uncomfortable, you can’t say no based purely on wanting to stop him. Try it once – if you don’t like it, then he needs to accept that. But right now it sounds like you’re trying to stop him exploring who he is. Try to be a little more open minded and understanding, otherwise you may lose him.

Off on the wrong foot made a bad impression on my boyfriend’s parents when I first met them. I was having a bad day and now he says they think I’m moody and unfriendly! I’m gutted. I haven’t seen them since and want to make it right. Should I explain myself to them?

I really feel for you as this is not easy, but my gut tells me that if you say no, he will just find another outlet for this part of who he is. However, it’s equally important that you don’t feel pressured into doing anything in bed that you don’t like. It sounds very much like he’s questioning his sexuality and I think you are better off being a part of the conversation than you are being kept out. To love someone means to want their growth and freedom as a person, so if you truly love this man you are going to have to find a way to support him while he explores this.

Pick Me Up! reader Meghan from Hull says: It’s always scary meeting our partner’s family, but we should always put on our best face. I’m sure you’ll have plenty of opportunities to make it up to them. The next time you see them, just apologise. Show them how much you love their son. It may take them a while to come around, but keep trying.

Pick Me Up! reader Susan from Milton Keynes says:

I don’t think you need to explain yourself. Most people would agree that meeting the family is an awful experience. Did they do all they could do to include you? They should’ve given you a second chance before making a judgment on you. Try and be more friendly next time you see them, but I wouldn’t let it control your relationship.

Awkward antics

If it was me, I would write them a letter saying how sorry you are that you were moody and unfriendly when they first met you, and ask them for the chance to start over. Maybe explain that you felt the pressure to impress them and probably reacted badly to that. If you love their son then I think its paramount that you tell them how much you care about him and how important it is to you that you and they have a good relationship. In short, own your mistake, make your amends and invite them over for dinner to make a fresh start. If I were his parents, I would be absolutely blown away by this act of courage and humility. Good luck.

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