My not So Big 3-0!
With a big birthday approaching, Emma was on a mission...
Although I was quite an active child, taking part in dance, gymnastics and swimming, I was naturally bigger than most.
In secondary school, that left me open to cruel comments.
‘Look out, the ground’s shaking!’ kids would taunt as I walked by.
If I leaned on a table, someone would quip, ‘Careful, you’ll break it!’
Hurt by the bullying, I turned to food for comfort. Between meals, I’d gorge on chips, baguettes and crisps.
Food is my friend, food never makes fun of me, I thought.
Getting bigger
As my confidence shrank, my waistline grew.
It was a vicious cycle – and, by the time I left school at 16, I was wearing a size-18.
My self-esteem was in my shoes, but I never let it show.
Instead, I binged in private, using food as a crutch.
Things looked up when I was 18 and I went on a blind date.
‘I know someone you’ll really get along with,’ a friend told me. She was right.
I instantly clicked with Shane Clement, then 23.
Soon, we were an item – and the relationship was going so well that, three months on, Shane asked me to move in with him.
So in February 2003, I upped sticks from Cardiff and moved into Shane’s place in Port Talbot.
Although I was a size-22, Shane didn’t care about my weight, and loved me for myself.
And he made me so happy.
But I was still terrified that he’d find someone thinner.
‘You’re the last thing I see at night, and the first when I wake up,’ he told me sweetly. ‘It’s only you I want.’
Shane always went above and beyond to try to help me believe in myself.
And, three months later, he had another surprise in store for me…
‘Do you think we should get married?’ he asked as he pulled out a beautiful ring.
‘Yes!’ I squealed.
In August 2005, on my 21st birthday, Shane and I tied the knot at St Mary’s Church in Cardiff.
I felt a bit self-conscious about being a bigger bride, but I was just too happy to let it bother me.
I fell pregnant, and, in June 2006, gave birth to a baby boy, Rowan.
Even though I loved my son to bits, I also suffered from severe postnatal depression.
And my old friend food was there to make me feel better. Chips, greasy takeaways... I quickly ballooned to a 22st, a size-26/28.
I was morbidly obese, but I kept kidding myself, ignoring the grim reality of my health.
Our second child Leo followed in October 2012.
Although postnatal depression wasn’t as big a problem the second time, it wasn’t easy, at my size, running around after two children.
Things had to change, but I bottled up my fears until I couldn’t hold them in any longer.
On 1 January 2014, I woke up feeling bloated and sick after the excesses of Christmas.
‘I’m not doing this any more,’ I declared.
I wanted to see my children grow up, and to be the mum
I was morbidly obese, but I kept kidding myself
I really wished I could be.
With my 30th birthday months away in August, I realised I’d wasted half my life stuck in a rut of self-loathing.
Shane was very encouraging, but he’d seen it all before. Over the years, I’d tried every diet.
New start
Now my aunt recommended Weight Watchers and, on 7 January, I made my way to my first meeting.
Nervously stepping up to the scales that day, I braced
myself. The truth was devastating – 24st 11lb.
‘That’s the last time I’m ever going to see those numbers,’ I promised myself.
I swapped snacking between three big meals for five smaller, healthier meals.
For breakfast, I’d usually have porridge with blackberries, mid-morning I might eat a low-fat cereal bar, followed by chicken, rice and veg for lunch.
In the afternoon, I might choose fruit or popcorn, then a healthy, cooked dinner.
In April, I joined a gym – and by my birthday in the August, I’d lost 3st!
‘You look great,’ Shane said as we celebrated.
‘Wait till you see me next birthday,’ I grinned.
I pushed on, taking on challenges I’d never thought possible.
In the last few years, I’ve done a 5k run, climbed a 1,300ft mountain, cycled for the British Heart Foundation, even jumped out of a plane!
By the time I turned 31, another 5st or so was gone.
And today, aged 33, I weigh in at 13st, a size-14.
Nowadays, instead of scoffing down carbs, I go to a spinning class or lift weights to combat stress and anxiety.
The difference losing all that weight has made to my life has been incredible.
For the first time, I feel like anything is possible.
My 30s are the best decade yet!