He cheated while i was in labour
Once a cheat, always a cheat? Newlywed Ailsa Sheldrake, 27, from Gosport, doesn't agree
Steve sent ‘sexts’ the day he proposed, others while I was in labour…
It’s when you’re not looking, that you meet someone special – at least, that’s what happened to me in June 2013.
I’d not long got out of a relationship, so I wasn’t in the market for anything serious.
‘I just want a bit of fun,’ I admitted to a mate at the nursing placement I was doing.
Shortly after, on a night out, she introduced me to Steve, 27.
Tall, ginger, freckly, he wasn’t my usual type. But he had bags of confidence.
‘All right, gorgeous?’ he smiled, chatting me up.
He had a wicked sense of humour, too.
Steve and I went out a few times and, quickly, a bit of fun turned into something more.
We moved in together and, in late 2014, I realised my period was late.
‘We’re having a baby,’ I told Steve after taking a test.
He was chuffed to bits, couldn’t wait to be a dad.
A few months on, he planned a surprise baby shower at ours.
And, in front of all of our family and friends, Steve dropped to one knee. ‘Marry me?’ he asked.
It was such a surprise. Of course, I said yes in a heartbeat. With my blossoming bump and a ring on my finger, I’d never felt so happy. When baby Mason arrived in July 2015, he was perfect – the cherry on the cake.
The next few months passed in a happy whirlwind as we got to grips with being parents. Then, one night in January 2016, after having a bath, Steve put the kettle on...
Next thing, he came bursting into the living room on the verge of tears.
‘I’ve done something wrong!’ he cried. My heart fell. He was in such a state, I knew it was more than just spilt milk or a mess he’d made in the kitchen.
Steve explained that, when he’d been in the bath, he’d been video calling another woman!
He said he’d called a sex line and had dirty talked to one of the girls. He’d masturbated – thought I’d never find out.
But, after his seedy video call, the woman had messaged him. Steve showed me his phone. I’ve recorded our call and unless you pay me £1,500, I’ll put the video on Youtube, the message read.
She’d sent Steve the video as proof... My hands shook as I pressed play.
Watching Steve getting off to another woman made me feel sick.
‘You idiot!’ I screamed at him, upset and hurt.
We didn’t have £1,500 to stop the video being leaked.
But it was Steve’s problem, he could get himself out of it.
Leaving him at home with Mason, I went to my friend’s house and broke down. ‘How could he do this?’ I cried. I thought Steve and I were rock-solid, our sex life was great – I just hadn’t seen this coming.
When I got home, he was full of apologies.
‘It meant nothing,’ he cried. Despite everything, I still loved him. To give me some space, he stayed at his mum’s that night, but I made him leave his phone with me.
‘How do I know you won’t video call another woman?’ I said to him.
‘I won’t,’ Steve replied. But I needed to learn to trust him again, so he agreed.
That night I scoured through Steve’s phone. And I came across an app I’d never seen before.
When I opened it, I realised
it was a sordid, sex-chat app.
And there were hundreds of messages Steve had sent to other women.
All the messages were flirty and sexual – I was repulsed.
Then I clocked the dates and times he’d sent the messages.
Some were exchanged the day he’d proposed, others while I was in labour with Mason. I was devastated.
To me, these sex messages were tantamount to cheating... and he’d been doing it the day he’d put a ring on my finger and while I was having our baby!
When Steve came home the next morning, I flew into a rage. ‘You lying cheat!’ I screamed. Realising he’d been rumbled, he broke down.
‘I’m so sorry!’ he cried. Steve promised me he’d never actually met any of the women with whom he’d
He told me that he’d been diagnosed with a sex addiction
flirted. But the trust was gone.
As far as I was concerned, it was all over for us, so I threw Steve out.
Over the next couple of weeks, he visited Mason.
And he never gave up trying to win me back.
‘Please,’ he begged me. ‘I love you so much.’
Luckily for him, despite not paying the woman, his naked video was never actually leaked.
But the damage to our relationship seemed beyond repair.
Then, one day, Steve told me that he’d been to see his doctor.
‘I’ve been referred to a therapist,’ he explained.
‘I’ve been diagnosed with sex addiction.’
‘Don’t make me laugh!’ I snorted in disbelief.
Not long ago, I’d been reading about one-time glamour model and TV celeb Katie Price in a magazine.
Her third husband Kieran Hayler was being treated for a sex addiction.
Steve and I had both really laughed about it at the time.
‘There’s no such thing,’ Steve had said to me. ‘It’s his fault if he can’t keep it in his pants.’
Seems he’d changed his tune about that now.
‘Do you think I was born yesterday?’ I replied furiously to him, my blood boiling.
Steve was persistent, though. ‘My therapist wants to meet you,’ he said.
He kept on asking me and, in the end, I agreed that I would.
‘Only to prove what a load of rubbish this is,’ I replied.
But, at the meeting, the therapist surprised me.
‘It’s real,’ he assured me seriously. ‘Just like a drug or alcohol addiction.’
He explained that sufferers find it hard to control their sexual impulses.
In Steve’s case, the therapist said that Steve didn’t want to cheat on me and he didn’t enjoy being unfaithful.
But he just couldn’t control his urge to ‘sext’ other women.
I went to a few more sessions and, although it took a long time, I started to understand Steve really was an addict.
And I wanted to make things work between us, for baby Mason’s sake.
So I agreed to support Steve, and we started over – taking things slowly.
‘I wish I could undo the hurt I’ve caused,’ he told me.
It took a while, but gradually we got back on track. Then…
‘I think we should get married,’ Steve told me.
We’d come so far, I wanted to cement our love. So I agreed.
However, many friends and family had their doubts.
‘Once a cheat, always a cheat,’ a mate said seriously. But Steve was different. He couldn’t help his addiction and he’d been working so hard to beat it.
And, above all else, I knew that he loved me to bits.
So, in April 2017, we tied the knot in a beautiful country barn.
When we said our vows,
I felt every word Steve said.
‘I promise to always be faithful to you,’ he repeated, his eyes locked on mine. And I believe him.
I know there’s a risk he could have a relapse, but we’re so open and honest with each other now, I’ve every faith in him.
Whatever the future holds for us, we’ll face it together as husband and wife.
I’ve promised to stick by Steve, for better or worse.
And I intend to do just that.