‘RELIEVED HE HIT ME’
Coercive control is a humiliating experience, which often leaves victims trapped with nowhere to turn.
Mum-of-two, Rachel Huntley*, was a victim of coercive control for years until her husband, Steve* turned violent.
‘It started shortly after the birth of our first child.
‘I’d been out shopping and bought some muffins, but he threw them across the room, telling me I shouldn’t be eating them as I should be trying to lose weight.
‘He would regularly control me.
‘At 6ft 5in, he would get up in my face and shout at me. He knew he was a big chap and was intimidating me.
‘He would get annoyed at me if I took the kids to see their grandparents – even those on his side.
‘He would get so nasty with me after a visit that in the end, I did it behind his back and even the kids knew not to tell him.’
Over the years, this controlling behavior towards Rachel only grew worse.
‘He quickly progressed to destroying anything that was mine if I did something which he thought was wrong.
‘Another favourite of his was to make a mess so I had to clean it up.
‘He would throw a bag of flour on the floor, then a glass of water on top. Once he even poured a whole bottle of oil on the floor.’ This behaviour continued for 15 years. All words of violence and violent acts towards her things, but he never hit her.
Rachel felt trapped. Steve put on a loving front, so she felt no one would believe her.
‘Over time, he isolated me from everyone.
‘He even made me work for him, so I had zero independence.’ After all the coercive abuse, something switched in Steve and for the first time he hit her. ‘I was relieved he hit me if I’m honest.
‘People would believe cuts and bruises.’
After a few weeks of physical abuse, Rachel knew enough was enough and took her kids and left her husband.
‘It wasn’t until I was out of that relationship and could surround myself with family and friends that I could see how manipulative and controlling he had been.
‘The control continued after I left with suicide attempts and threats.’
With the support of her family and friends, Rachel stood her ground and refused to return to her husband, but she admits, it was terrifying.
‘To me, he was an out of control threat that was behind every door and around every corner.’