I’d pretend that I was pregnant to hide my shame

Lavina Neda, 29, from Cardiff, was reduced to tears when a customer mistakenly thought she was pregnant…

Clutching a pile of The Big Issue magazines, I noticed one of my regular customers heading my way. ‘Good morning,’ I smiled. ‘Morning Lavina - congratulations!’ he beamed, his eyes staring down at my rounded tummy.

‘Congratulations?’ I repeated, with a quizzical look on my face. ‘Is it a boy or girl?’ he went on. As the man glared at my bulging stomach, I realised he obviously thought I was pregnant!

I was stunned.

While I knew I’d gained some weight recently, I had no idea it was quite so noticable to everyone else.

But too embarrassed to correct him, I just brushed it off.

‘Thank you,’ I said, forcing a smile and hoping the conversation was over.

But at home that night, I couldn’t stop thinking about it.

As I stared in the mirror, I looked at my growing frame.

By now, I was around 17 stone - the biggest I’d ever been.

I felt hideous and as I stood looking at my reflection in the mirror, I burst into tears.

‘I hate how I look,’ I sobbed to my husband, Daniel, 29.

‘I’ve gained so much weight,’ I cried.

‘Don’t worry about it,’ Daniel reassured.

‘You’re perfect to me.’ And while his words were comforting, I knew

I had to do something about it.

But for the last few years, my health hadn’t always been my priority.

In fact, Daniel and I were more worried about putting food on the table for our two children, Narcis, 11, and Raluca, four, than I was worried about my weight.

Since moving to the UK from Romania in 2012, things hadn’t always been easy.

We both arrived barely speaking a word of English, but determined to make a better life for ourselves. And thankfully,

The Big Issue was there to help.

We both got jobs as vendors and were soon bringing in enough money to rent a home for us and Narcis. But working as much as I could, I never worried about what I ate.

Instead, I’d happily snack on the sweet treats my customers would kindly buy for me.

And as the years went on, my weight began to rise.

After having Raluca in 2016, I was bigger than ever and doing little about it. Putting in

I’d saved up enough to finally join a gym

the hours as a vendor, I was eating as and when I could. I barely even thought about my diet and my only exercise would be walking to and from work every day.

But after being congratulated several times by customers, I decided I needed to make a change.

I’d grown tired of feeling bad about my body and wanted to feel happy in my own skin. ‘I’ve saved up enough for a month’s membership at the gym,’ I told Daniel one evening. ‘Good for you,’ he encouraged.

And that week, I headed to the gym for the very first time. Pounding away on the treadmill, I was determined to shift the weight once and for all.

But each gym session was incredibly hard, sometimes I’d even leave in tears!

‘It’s too difficult,’ I’d tell Daniel when I returned home from a workout.

But my kids were my motivation, and I pushed myself to keep going back.

Even when I didn’t feel like it, I made myself go.

‘I’ve got to do it for them,’ I’d say to myself.

Before long, I’d overhauled my diet, too.

I cut out bread and fast foods and focused on eating healthy, balanced meals.

The sweet treats and snacks I’d relied on in the past were gone and replaced with much healthier alternatives.

Within weeks, the weight had started to fall off and I couldn’t believe how much exercise changed my body. I felt much healthier and so much more energetic - even my customers began to notice notice!

‘You look incredible,’ a customer commented one afternoon.

‘I can’t believe how well you’ve done,’ another beamed.

‘Thank you,’ I’d smile, proud of myself.

Instead of buying me sugary treats, they’d now kindly offer healthier options.

After over a year of hard work, I’d lost a whopping eight stone in total.

‘You look incredible,’ Daniel would tell me. And I felt it, too. I still let myself have the odd treat, but kept working out as much as I could.

It wasn’t easy, but I was determined to get there in the end.

I’ve since got a second job in a local

vegan cafe, but I won’t stop working as a vendor for The Big Issue.

I started selling The Big Issue because I needed it, but I’m staying because I love it and it’ll always be a part of my life now.

I’m so proud of how far I’ve come and I know I wouldn’t have been able to do it all without The Big Issue.

Without it, I don’t know where I’d be.