The more, THE MERRIER
Lisa van Sand, 60, can enjoy the best of both worlds in her marriage…
Slipping into my floaty sundress, I started getting ready for my romantic dinner date. Applying my lipstick, I pouted in the mirror. I look hot! I thought. Strutting downstairs, I struck a pose in front of my husband Everett, 64.
Looking me up and down, he shook his head.
‘No, I think you can do better than that,’ he advised. ‘I’d zhuzh it up a little.’
Grinning cheekily, I headed back upstairs to get changed into something sexier.
Choosing a short skirt and a tight-fitting top, I wanted to dress to impress.
And walking downstairs, Everett’s mouth fell open. ‘Oh, that’s fantastic,’ he said. But it wasn’t him that I would be going on a date with.
Instead, I’d met a lovely gentleman on the online dating site Feeld.
‘Have fun and stay safe,’
Everett said. ‘I’ve got your location on my phone.’
Of course, I knew I would have fun. After all, I was on the hunt for a certain type of man, even outside of my home state of Florida at the time – the kinkier, the better.
Having been married to Everett for 36 years, our sexual appetites weren’t exactly the perfect match.
Everett was more vanilla in the bedroom than me.
And while he had a much higher sex drive in the early days of our marriage, for me, my sexual prime hit much later while his slowed down.
Plus, I wanted to try a few new sexual fetishes, too.
So what better way to experiment outside of our marital bed than by exploring my kinky side with other men?
Polygamy is an idea I stumbled upon when I met a man with multiple wives on a personal development course.
And naturally, that led to me learning more about polyamory – the practice of having multiple intimate partners at the same time.
Instantly, the idea that you could have multiple deep, intimate connections at once intrigued me.
However, telling Everett about polyamory, it became an inside joke between us.
‘Who knows, maybe I’ll get a second wife,’ Everett laughed.
‘Sure, maybe I’ll get a boyfriend,’ I joked.
Only, we never discussed if we’d be open to it, let alone think it could be a possibility for us.
Until a few years later in 2011, when me, Everett and our friend Lesley went on a weekend away.
Relaxing in the hot tub one evening together, I turned in for the night, leaving Everett and Lesley to it.
Getting ready the next day, Everett padded up to me.
‘I have something to tell you,’ he said. ‘Me and Lesley slept together last night.’
Most people would have expected me to be horrified. Or scream and kick him out. But that wasn’t my reaction. ‘Thanks for telling me,’ I replied cooly.
I didn’t go green with jealousy. Instead, I felt just fine.
All because Everett had honoured our promise to be honest with each other – one we took as seriously as our marriage vows when we tied the knot back in 1987.
‘I don’t want infidelity to ruin our marriage,’ Everett told me.
Everett’s last marriage had ended after his wife had an affair. So I thought it made total sense.
Plus, I didn’t want the genuine connection between me and Everett to be ruined if that day ever came for us.
So, I wasn’t angry at Everett for sleeping with Lesley. Nothing of the sort happened again for another seven years, but I think it stuck in both of our heads.
As in October 2018, Everett brought up the idea of polyamory – officially opening up our marriage so we could date other people separately.
‘I want to try having another relationship,’ he said.
He’d had his eyes set on one of our friends for a while, but he didn’t want to pursue her without asking me first. ‘Sure,’ I said. The only boundary we decided on was not to share the details of our dates without their consent.
So, while Everett started dating our friend, I met men online on
Polyamory became an inside joke at first