Should I go back to him, even if he can’t commit?

Q I met a lovely widower and I fell deeply in love with him. But he could never bring himself to say he loved me, and he wouldn’t talk about his feelings. Then came the pandemic and we bubbled together, but I needed more in the way of commitment from him so, in the end we separated. We drifted back together for a while, but he still couldn’t bring himself to commit.

We’re both in our sixties and it feels such a waste! Do you think there is any hope for us to ever be together?

A Over the years I have known a few people (usually men) who are incapable of saying the word ‘love’. F or some, it’s something they don’t seem to feel, or else are never confident enough of their feelings to say.

You say he wouldn’t talk about his feelings and that’s a shame. A counsellor could probably help, but would he agree to seeing one? If that’s not enough for you then I don’t think you’ll ever be happy with him, because he may not ever be capable of giving more.

Q I have always suffered with tinnitus. It was so bad as a child that I often thought of throwing myself under a bus. When I met my wife, we had two lovely children, and I did not notice the ringing in my ears. But then it came back. It’s worse than before – my sleepless nights and moodiness returned. My marriage suffered and my wife and children eventually left me.

At 47, I am again thinking about throwing myself under a car. The thought of spending the rest of my days alone, with this ringing in my ears, really scares me.

A If the urge to kill yourself continues, immediately contact with the Samaritans on 116 123. You make no mention of seeing an audiologist, so do speak to your GP about a referral. Please contact the British Tinnitus Association (tinnitus.org.uk) – their website can show all the available treatments on there and see what might suit you. If your family knew what you were suffering, they could be willing to give you a second chance – especially if you seek help to control it.