My brother wants a bigger share of our mother’s cash

QAMy mother was always worried about money so, when she got older, she gave me power of attorney, making me responsible for her financial affairs. She deliberately didn’t name my brother, because the two of them had always had a difficult relationship. When she went into care, we activated it and that’s when my brother found out. He was furious and went to court but the judge said that her wishes were perfectly clear. He is my closest relative but we are miles apart now, and I don’t see how we can ever come together again. Sadly, I don’t think it will be easy for you and your brother to be reconciled, either. Money, they say, is the root of all evil – but I think it’s at the root of vast numbers of disputes as well.

While it might be tempting to simply let him have the lion’s share and walk away, I don’t think it would make any difference to your relationship. I think it would make it worse. It sounds as though he is bullying and trying to dominate you.

QI was born and brought up in Germany to an English mother and German father. I returned to live in the UK several years ago, when my (German) husband’s job brought him here, but my mum and dad have always remained in Germany. Until recently, it was relatively easy for me to pop back and forth to see them, and although I was close to my dad, I’ve always had a tricky relationship with my mum. She thinks that, as I am the daughter of the family, I should be the one to be around to look after them as they get older. Now they are both unwell.

AI’m sorry to read about the difficulties you’re having with your mother. It’s sad she won’t accept medical help and won’t accept the support of your brothers either. Your mother is playing you, but what she hopes to achieve isn’t clear. Mothers know us so well, so they know just which buttons to press to make us react. She is trying to force your return to Germany, but you mustn’t let her.

Write to Fiona Caine c/o Annie Lewis, 1000 Lakeside, North Harbour, Portsmouth PO6 3EN or annie.lewis@jpimedia.co.uk Fiona regrets that she cannot enter into personal correspondence, nor pass letters on to other readers.