Will my dad ever accept my gay relationship?

QI’m gay and I left my husband to be with the woman I love. It was traumatic, but I’ve come through it and feel so much better for not living a lie any more.

My husband is now with someone else. Our divorce is going through, and I hope he’s going to be really happy. My mum and brothers were fine with it, but the problem has been my dad. When I told him, his reaction was, ‘What am I going to tell people?’ That was six months ago and he’s not spoken to me since.

ASadly, sometimes when people hold entrenched views, it’s very hard to get them to move past these and change their minds. Your father’s reaction is quite telling. By coming out as gay, you’ve rejected his way of life and his way of thinking, and he doesn’t know how to deal with that. Rather than try, he is simply avoiding seeing you, thinking about you or, of course, talking to you. He may feel if he accepts the situation, he is encouraging you to be something other than what he thought you were.

QI have just found out the man I have been seeing for the past year is married. We met online during lockdown so I didn’t really know much about his background.

I only found out he was married when I bumped into him and his family at the local cinema.

When we next met up, we had a really nasty row and said a lot of hurtful things about each other. He threatened to really hurt me if I told his wife about us. Why do I still want to be with him?

AYes, why do you want to be with this man? He’s a cheat, he’s aggressive and he can be violent. Wanting to be with someone like him indicates that you don’t value yourself. Surely you know you’re worth better than this. I think you need some help in boosting your self-esteem. As you’ve threatened to involve his wife, I doubt he’ll run the risk of seeing you again.

Perhaps you can get some counselling that will help you realise how much better you are then you seem to think.