Upcycling by Mr Bodgit...
Imust have watched hours and hours of those TV shows where experts spot utter rubbish and then turn it into something you might buy. These shows are masterful at dragging out a small amount of content that keeps you hooked for the big reveal.
Maybe it’s the current cost of living situation or perhaps it’s saving the planet I’m not sure, but something changed this week.
I had been watching Money for Nothing on the Beeb and continued to be hypnotised by Sarah Moore stalking ordinary, tired-looking people, simply wanting to throw stuff in skips at the recycling centre.
In the show, she pounces upon an old chair (usually from the 1960s or ’70s), maybe a very tired metal filing cabinet or even some bits of crankshaft from the bottom end of an old MG engine.
She swoops, has a boring chat about where the rubbish is from, unsurprisingly it’s usually the owner's home, then she runs off, with permission, and hands it to an ‘up-cycler’.
I am aware, of course, that the real-world problem starts here. The person who now gets this piece of junk is no ordinary Joe.
They’re some kind of furniture, welding, sewing demi-god who is already surrounded by items ready to sell or have a workshop of pending opportunities.
With the ease of cutting through butter, these people, these crafty hands-on geniuses, turn the item into something that now catches your eye.
The re-booted items then seem to get sold online via websites no-one has ever heard of. That bit is a complete mystery to me but it may well involve selling on WhatsApp so I’m out, as I have no idea how that works.
Sarah, the show's host, then goes back to the original owner who hoped they’d seen the last of that estatecar load of rubbish.
She shows them a picture of what the junk has become. The previous owner shows a face of amazement and then gets any profit that’s been achieved. Most people then claim they’re going to give the money to grandchildren or to charity. If it was me, I’d be honest and say ‘booze or a take-way!'
Usually, this type of show has no impact on me but for reasons unknown, this week was different.
As my wife works from home, we were trying to make our box room more like a London loft apartment and the old, tired, brown wooden desk wasn’t helping.
Rather than admit defeat a new version of me appeared. I took the table apart. I found the old electric sander in the garage and heavy, coarse-grade sandpaper that should only be used on a ship’s hull, and I was off.
Sanding. Smoothing. Painting. I was an up-cycler. Several points separated me from the professionals. I couldn’t be bothered to ‘prime’ the wood. What does that even do? I painted the table but the paint took 16 hours to dry each coat. I used a hairdryer to speed things up (you don’t see that on the TV).
By removing a table leg I broke it and my re-gluing wasn’t perfectly straight (plumb, I believe it’s called). I used two old wood screws to ‘make good' the fix.
I rushed another coat and my one paintbrush had dried more than expected so the finish was not that of glass. Nevertheless it was done. As my disappointed wife sat at the table, she caught her jeans on one of the leg repair screws that was not as flush as it could have been. This did not go down well.
All in all, I felt I was now a member of the Money for Nothing community. I learned several things and the most important thing was this. As soon as possible, I must find these websites where talented, skilled people sell the cool stuff and buy from there.