When proud parents are a pain
Parental one-upmanship can cause annoyance and anxiety, reports Lisa Salmon
All new parents are proud of their babies – but that pride can soon annoy other parents if it slides into bragging. But understandable delight at milestones like sleeping through the night can easily be perceived as boasting – indeed, new research suggests almost half (44%) of new parents polled found parental oneupmanship irritating, and nearly a third (32%) admitted it made them worry they were failing as a parent themselves.
“We shouldn’t treat parenting as a competition,” warns clinical psychologist Dr Genevieve von
Lob. “Don’t listen to baby bragging – it will only make you doubt yourself.”
Psychologist and family therapist Dr Kalanit Ben-Ari says that claims could also be interpreted as understandable pride and/or a reaction to social media pressure to produce the perfect baby.
“We can interpret a statement from a parent in many ways,” she explains. “Experiencing a parent’s sharing of something as ‘baby bragging’ might be more about us than it is about them.”
And parenting expert
Tiffany Norris, aka The Mummy Concierge, adds: “It’s important not to compare your little one to anyone else. Every child’s progress and development path is unique, so although many of us like to boast about our newborn’s progression, remember that others may not be having the same experience.”
These are the top annoying baby brags identified in the poll by smart baby monitor brand Cubo Ai – and our experts’ thoughts.
Mybabysleepsthroughthenight (50%founditannoying)
It’s no surprise that this is the most annoying brag, says Norris, who points out that sleep, or lack of it, is one of the most stressful things new parents have to deal with. “This sort of statement could be really damaging if heard by a mother whose baby might not be sleeping through the night,” she says. “Try not to compare – every baby is different.”
Von Lob points out that it’s biologically normal for babies to wake up during the night and need help to go back to sleep. “The idea that all babies should sleep through the night is a myth and creates a lot of anxiety among new parents, but they shouldn’t blame themselves if their baby doesn’t sleep through the night.”
And she continues: “It’s worrying that sleeping through the night has come to be seen as a badge of honour when it’s normal for babies to wake up. Babies’ sleeping patterns vary widely – some may sleep through the night, while others are frequent wakers. One pattern isn’t better than the other.”
Mybabyisalreadysaying‘mama’ (44%)
Norris suggests that this brag is perhaps understandable, pointing out: “There’s so much pressure on mothers to be seen to be achieving in motherhood, so to be able to reveal their baby’s excelling at an early age is proof they’re doing a good job. It also makes us feel good if our little one is meeting their milestones – so why not shout it from the rooftop?”
Mybabynevercries(43%)
This is one that needs to be treated with a great degree of scepticism. “Getting through a day without a baby crying is near impossible,” stresses Norris. “Crying is how little ones communicate.”
Thehealthvisitorsaysmychildisreallyadvanced(41%)
A statement like this can make other mothers worry about why their health visitor hasn’t said the same about their child. “Don’t give other mothers the opportunity to worry about their little ones,” warns Norris.
Mybabylearnedtowalkat10months (40%)
Babies develop and reach milestones at very different rates. “Sure, one baby might walk earlier than another, but you might find the other baby talks first,” says Norris. “Don’t compare your baby to anyone else’s.”
Mybabyisgorgeousenoughtobea babymodel(36%)
Every parent thinks their baby is gorgeous, Norris points out. “Why? Because they are!” she says.
Mybabynevermakesamesswhen weaning (28%)
Comparisons of babies is never recommended, says Norris – and one parent’s ‘mess’ is another parent’s clean anyway!