My partner’s ex-wife is blaming all her problems on my husband
QI am very much in love with the man I live with. The problem is his ex-wife calls at least every other day agonising over this issue or that. She can’t make any decisions without him and convinces him that all her problems are his fault. It’s got to the point that he’s thinking things would be better off if he didn’t see his children.
AI am sure that staying away from his children would be the wrong thing to do. I cannot help but wonder if this isn’t a very manipulative tactic on her part to make him feel guilty, and use the children to persuade him to come back. If the problems are with the children’s behaviour, cutting off his connection to them will make things worse. Please encourage him to see his children as often as necessary. Perhaps if they felt supported, they would cause fewer problems, and his wife might not feel the need to unburden herself so often.
QYou would have thought that at 27 and married with three kids, my father could accept that I am no longer a wild teenager. Add to which I hold down a very responsible job and manage 30 staff – yet my dad still reduces me to a quivering wreck! He delights in putting me down in front of my family and he criticises me constantly. Should I just stop visiting him?
ASome people seem to delight in finding the buttons to push to wind people up, and your father knows just which buttons have the greatest effect. Have you tried talking to him, as an adult, and telling him that the way he behaves towards you is not appropriate? Point out to him that his constant criticism is hurtful – then ask him quite gently but very firmly to stop while staying calm. Hopefully he will soon realise that either he changes, or he risks losing his daughter and her family.
Write to Fiona Caine c/o Hollie Busby, 1000 Lakeside, North Harbour, Portsmouth PO6 3EN or hollie.busby@ nationalworld.com Fiona regrets that she cannot enter into personal correspondence, nor pass letters on to other readers.