In the Land of Nod in the company of sleeping strangers

Down at the swimming pool there is a sign on the wall next to the hot tub which

says ‘no children allowed’. As a list of rules it’s quite thin but, as has been discussed here before, there are a host of unwritten protocols around taking a relaxing plunge in the jacuzzi.

The London Underground rule of avoiding eye contact with strangers; the no accidental bodily contact beneath the surface rule (no matter how fleeting); and the make an instant and obvious exit if someone looks to get in straight from the sauna without stopping for a shower first rule.

Now the need for a new guideline has arisen - what to do if someone is asleep in the jacuzzi.

Two such scenarios have arisen on recent trips to the pool.

On the first occasion when I arrived there was already a chap in the hot tub open-jawed and drooling like granddad after Christmas dinner.

And much as you wouldn’t get into bed with an open-jawed and drooling stranger, so it was time for a swim instead.

On the second occasion the person in question drifted off to sleep as we were sharing the warm welcoming water.

The first poser was whether to wake him up or ignore him, as you would a passenger sitting next to you on a plane.

But what if he started snoring, or worse, was in the midst of a medical emergency and had lost consciousness?

What would be the right course of action under any of the above nightmare scenarios?

It is bad enough accidentally brushing toes with the living, never mind the recently deceased.

Either way it is a damning indictment of your company if a fellow bather nods off half way through your attempts to make small talk.

And what are the protocols for waking a slumbering stranger in a jacuzzi to check that they are still in the land of the living?

Poke them under the water and run the risk a serious police investigation?

Flick some of the tepid water on their face like a child wanting to wake a parent on the beach?

Maybe a discrete cough or pretend not to notice they’re having 40 winks and loudly ask them the time?

Of course, you could always seize the moment, go full stag do and draw a pair of glasses and a moustache on their face.

Having weighed up all of the options I quietly climbed out and left him for someone else to find and work out what to do.